much self love

did some minor self pampering.
actually it's more of a pre-birthday present.
not the valentine's present like yuki did... -.-
that crazy prada whore... haha. blekz.

^^ well i needed a proper passport holder.
tee hee. and... sadly only LV has them in the zippe design.
prada didn't have what i wanted...
mont blanc is so... uncle... haha.
gucci is a no no.
hermes is... way way way over budget... :(

so as much as i hate LV... -.- i have another dumb overpriced product from them now.
and ugh a monogram.
i really do wonder why can't they make the zippe in graphite as well???
but well i really NEED a passport holder with zip.

a bit aunty hor... mmm...




now if only comme des garçons made their accessory for passport holder...

oh anyways... can't wait for my other pre-birthday present to arrive. ^^

emo humans deserve every self pampering moments, they owe it to themselves.

Cake Paradise

you eat cake when you are happy...
that statement is pretty much true.

but i will also eat cake when i am not happy...
because sugar creates endorphin...
and endorphin makes you HAPPY.

worried. terrified about losing her...

here i am... writing after suddenly bursting into tears...
yet another emo post.

i was being a good grandson ^^
washing up my grandma's bowl and utensils...
and suddenly... i felt fear...

i am really terrified that she might leave me soon.
not that she is admitting anything.
but i can see that she is suddenly so frail.
she is hunch on one side recently, SUDDENLY...

it hurts seeing her like this...

she was there for me everyday since i was a kid.
she bought me all my ninja swords...
whenever i threw a temper... she doesn't yell at me.
instead she comforts me...

she never lets me do the washings... up until today.
she buys me everything i want.
she lets me get away with everything,
even when my dad tries to beat me...
she will scream at him...
... and she's not even his mother...

i love all her silly hakka stories...
she told them to me over and over again when i was a kid.

i hid under the dinning table when i was young...
refusing to eat...
she will coax me and play with me...
all the while, patiently feeding me...

i love her more than i love my own mother...
but yet... she's not my real grandma...

if anything happened to her...
i might just flood. :(
please dear god... let her live a little longer...
i want to spend more time with her...
... and if you were to take her home...
be kind... let it be peaceful.
bring all her pains to me instead.
i will carry them for her.

it's pantang but...

i wish i was dead.
i really do.

well i am a little tipsy.
but still... sober enough to rant nonsense.
...
and well i honestly do wish i am... dead.
dying.

maybe i am... just that i don't even know it yet.
... i am so tired of living.

there are days where by i feel that there isn't enough time.
... but for now. i wish i am just... dead.
...

wow i am actually typing this with my eyes closed.
*i hate humans btw*