worried. terrified about losing her...

here i am... writing after suddenly bursting into tears...
yet another emo post.

i was being a good grandson ^^
washing up my grandma's bowl and utensils...
and suddenly... i felt fear...

i am really terrified that she might leave me soon.
not that she is admitting anything.
but i can see that she is suddenly so frail.
she is hunch on one side recently, SUDDENLY...

it hurts seeing her like this...

she was there for me everyday since i was a kid.
she bought me all my ninja swords...
whenever i threw a temper... she doesn't yell at me.
instead she comforts me...

she never lets me do the washings... up until today.
she buys me everything i want.
she lets me get away with everything,
even when my dad tries to beat me...
she will scream at him...
... and she's not even his mother...

i love all her silly hakka stories...
she told them to me over and over again when i was a kid.

i hid under the dinning table when i was young...
refusing to eat...
she will coax me and play with me...
all the while, patiently feeding me...

i love her more than i love my own mother...
but yet... she's not my real grandma...

if anything happened to her...
i might just flood. :(
please dear god... let her live a little longer...
i want to spend more time with her...
... and if you were to take her home...
be kind... let it be peaceful.
bring all her pains to me instead.
i will carry them for her.

some days, like today...

i do think that,
the other little brother and i,
we share the same music taste.

and somehow, both the little brothers,
they just happen to love pink a little too much.
hehe.

how kiuts. ^^





i'll be away again. for some time now.
being online the past few days has been great.
but tonight,
i have been once again reminded of how i am feeling.

... and i certainly don't enjoy being all pretentious around friends.
i need to... forget you. for good.

... and if there's a need to write... i will just hide the blog for a while then. ^^
until then, a big HUGS to a brand new fabulous year, and years ahead.

breakfast 3 in the morning

it's the wickening hour. and i am still awake.
because i am just too hungry to sleep.

i think humans are one of god's weirdest creation.
here i am being all hungry. at an odd hour. -.-
and i crave for meat. the worst possible hour!!!
right after i just had a shower, with brushed clean teeth!!!

what's there left to eat at this wee hour?
bread that i bought for my grandma!
those old coffee shop style bread...

and guess what? it's so nostalgic eating it.
i have to say, i LOVE it!!! i MISSED it!!!
that smell... yums.
even thou it's been probably 3 - 4 days ago?
*see i am helping grams finish it so i can get fresh ones!*
but the smell is still so nice.
*please pray i did not eat any growing penicillin colony*

so this makes me wonder,
why was something so good, so nice, so simple.
replaced with mass production bread?
and... why didn't i eat it earlier!!!??? hahaha.

was it to the convenience of the people?
or was it just business?
that all these new bread brands emerged...???
they are so blant. filled with preservatives.

i am sure people still crave for the delicious oven bread, and its smell.
so fragrant. so fresh.
and i high doubt home made or gardenia nor high five can match it.
isn't this a simple bakery method?
oh why oh why...
thank god they sell this old coffee shop style bread nearby my house. ^^
*for the fun of it, roti kedai kopi lama*

simply refreshing with kaya and tea. YUMZ. mmm missing eggs now...

riding Austin

so here's my new baby.
so leng zhai ok!
damn macho gilerz!!!

he gets all the bloody attention when we are out together!
damn him!
i so don't need the extra sportlight!
-.-

like go mamak... people stare cock... GOSH. *so shy ah!*
can you imagine especially when you don't know how to... move him...
lolz. *so didn't happen... ok fine he fainted once... LOLz!!!*



















... damn loud k when he vvvvvBBRRRROOOOOOOMmmmMM~~~
there was this show off guy who parked next to us, then he 'main' his enjin... -.-
k lo... then i turn austin on... lolz. austin BROOOOOOM... the guy next to us... crawl away.
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
now i know why guys do that, to shut those showoffs... BLEKZ. hahaha!!!






yea sure, having an old car might have lots of pros and cons...
but what doesn't? haha. everything in life needs maintenances!
yet i rather get this, than a new honda... and pay like RM2k a year for my road tax.

get this vintage hottie and pay RM20 a year for my road tax...
use the balance to pay whatever i need to modify-fix him hotter instead!
beat that! hahahaha!!!



... insurance... pppfft...
*i don't know about this yet... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!*
PLEASE GOD... let there never be another nonsense accident EVER AGAIN!

but ... mom said he is expensive... URGHS!
hatez. haha. but I DON'T CARE!
yes yes... to date this is my most impulse purchase EVER!
^.^
... Paris is probably annoyed right now... better... ride him soon.

*61 more days*

eleven years

it's been eleven years since i last held you.

it feels as if yesterday,
i was next to you...
your smelly smell...

i remember clearly that day you ran out of the house...
and i was chasing you like mad...
naturally i was annoyed...
the more i called the more you ran.
-.-
then you saw a cat, and started chasing it...
and we ended up sitting next to one another...
because you got so caught up barking at it...

and we looked at one another...
LOLS.
and you was about to leap away from me...
when i caught you. hehe.

i seriously miss you Astro boy...
so sorry i was never a good master.
i should have known you weren't well...

even tho it was only 5 years that we had together...
i will remember you forever.
those moments we spent.
the holes you dug at the garden.
the bones you chewed.
... i promise to jot them down.
those fabulous silly memories we had...

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A PROPER GRAVE FOR YOU. SO I COULD VISIT... DADDY DIDN'T ALLOW IT... I HATE HIM TILL TODAY FOR DUMPING YOU IN A DUSBIN IN DJ... I AM... REALLY SORRY BABY BOY. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. AND HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY IN HEAVEN. I REALLY DO HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN... AND WE CAN PLAY FETCH... AND I CAN TICKLE YOUR STOMACH... AND HUG YOU TIGHTLY... I NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO. I MISS YOU BABY BOY.

little mischief

was on the way out for a meeting.

joachim came running out to say bye bye.

went to the car.

joshua came out to say bye bye.
and ran in immediately.

i yelled out his name...
seconds later he yelled out... YA~~~
and he appears at the gate...

i said back to him: BE A GOOD BOY ah!!!
he smiles and gives a super cheeky look...
CANNOT BE NAUGHTY AH...?

... that was never an option.
don't misbehave. ^.^

somehow it makes you wonder, where they learn all this tricks.
being so cheeky and witty.
not that i have ever shown them bad examples... yet.
does the tv have that much mischief elements?

... speak of the devil... he's crying downstairs now. -.-

silly little moments with joshua

one of my youngest nephew just cracked me up.
he is not well, has a flu. not H1N1 thank god.
so his nose was running, and i got him a tissue.
i didn't bother doing it for him, expected him to blow himself.

... but with one blow he wanted to throw the tissue...
actually more like passing it back to me, to throw.
i was just... annoyed. like... hello i ain't your maid kid.
lols.

so i told him off, that he is wasting tissue.
that he should at least blow a few more times...
but AWWWW...
to his defences, he is only 4, and he did it with the sweetest voice,
that he has yet to go school to learn manners and etc etc etc...
AWWWWWW~~~ so kiuts.

half the time i think he is a real good actor,
he is simply the smarty when it comes to, MANJA with people...
but in actual fact we adults sometimes forget it's our duty to show them the world.
and not expect the world to show them what is it like out there...