mistakes

it's been some time. since i crap something here.

been a crazy week.
and like most days,
i don't know what to crap here anymore.

some days i have loads to write,
but that only happens whenever i am not near the computer.

then some days, when i am about to even type them,
i feel, what's the point again of writing all these notes down?

whatever it's worth, it's to remind myself of life~

sometimes in life,
we learn better from our mistakes.

sometimes mistakes are way better than the original plan.
most times they turn out ok.
they become something more, creative.

mistakes are what teaches us, and
changes us.
groom us into something new that we didn't know before.

mistakes are part of our life.
a learning process.

and there is nothing shameful about it.

STICK

i have a few circles of friends.

but i feel like a i am visitor with a super VISA.

since i don't exactly belong to either groups.
mmm maybe not good enough to stick to either of them...
but i see all of them la. still...

maybe i am like a spy...
i meet all and then exchange gossips...

you see i wouldn't call them, and they wouldn't call me.
mmm... ok so some calls me and some i will call too la...

anyhow we will somehow meet up.
the clubbing circles in clubs loh.
the gossips queens, at cafes loh.
you get the general idea.

and the farniest thing is...
one group would be like all muscle mary.
like literally all big size, gym queens.
totally paranoid of useless carbs...

and one group will consist of odd size shapes.
totally odd sizes, to a stage there are... unidentified genders...
i would say lives on alcohol...

and the other will be like average size...
the one that wouldn't mind eating and eating.
not FAT k. average size people~~~

but wherever i go, either any of these groups...
i am like the stick loh... =.=

well my point is...

i feel like a kid with the muscle mary group...
a very small boy...

with the average group...
i feel like i a small boy too...

and even in the odd size... i feel like i am like a...
...
STICK...

conclusion?
i am so BLOODY THIN!!!
KNNCB!!!

i got eats what!!!
WHY~~~
=.=#

one of those days

somedays,
those days,
when you come back from a long day out,
working.

and when you are back,
all you want is some TLC~
but you don't get them.

today is that kind of day.
where i would sit at the corner of the wall,
sulking.
arms holding my legs,
wrapping myself around.
wondering thinking.

what is all this fuss about life,
when it's just so empty.
and lonely.

just perhaps, it's time.

this has been going on for a while now.

i made a promise to myself back then,
not to make a fuss about it.
to be quiet about it.
not to turn the blog emo emo again.

but now, the time has come.
and oddly so has the pains.

for the past few months every since,
loving you has turned into a pointless direction,

the heart has been feeling a certain pain.
a pain that i don't understand.

but i have been baring with it.
coping with the pain.

till now, it has evolved into something more,
critical.

and today i felt another jab in the heart.
my breathing flow has become rather inconsistent as well.
and difficult.

perhaps, maybe perhaps,
if i continue having this pain,
then maybe, i can leave this world away from all those other,
those pains and sufferings.

proud of myself~ and a little bitching~~~ ^_^

hehe.

today marks the official day that we wrap "Pisau Cukur'
*grrr still got photoshoot on the 13th*

YAYS!!!

and even tho i have seriously amazed myself with this shoot...

and a little too vain about it...

and that everyone on set told me it's ok to be proud of yourself~~~

^_^

as much as i know that everyone on set knows it,
it feels different when they actually say it.
now praise me more k~~~
the diva loves it. HAHA.

^_^
*big glee smile~~~*

to make it better, the prop department got so much bitching from,
the production team, the hair and make up team, the director...
and yours truly,
that everything on set looks cheapsss... and tacky... and BORING... and PLAIN.
dull and empty... and did i mentioned CHEAP?

yet that woman so perasan that her work is good... =.=#

it was such a blessing that the director gave a HUGE compliment,
to the styling department that we made the movie look so well.
no thanks to the prop department. HAHAHAS!!!

just kesian the production designer having to bare with her.

mmm... tho i still think someone owes me a big huge apology.
and well i owe an apology... some apologies...

anyhow... YAYS it's over. like wow so fast too. haha.

a big huge thank you to all the sponsors, cast and production team of PISAU CUKUR,
for making everything HAPPEN, and baring with me for this whole month!!!

K go watch it next year in the cinemas~~~!!! mid jun/july~

i am just so proud of myself. :P
... i better win best costume designer... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

in a split of a second

once second i am like no that's it.
no more other projects with this company.

next second another producer offers me a new series and i take it...

like... i seriously do not know what i want in this life already.

soooooo sick and tired of it.

and no i do not need a break. i believe i just got back from a very long one not that long ago...
(9 months ago)
and honestly... that is not very long since i wasn't really working for the past 6 months before that.

i guess in a lot of ways i am worried about living this life the right way.

doing what is expected of others.
sighssss... this is so not fun.
feels extremely stressful.
*touch touch face... OMFG i have two new HUGE PIMPLES on my forehead!!!*
=.=#

*puppy eyes*

gosssssh.
till today i can't stop but think of you.
everyday~~~

i am so hopelessly in love with you.

=.=

don't want to ruin what we have now.

haihz~~~
in life...
we need love,
can't do without love,
when there's too much going on,
we can't stand it...

grrrs.
complicated sial.

i feel like a small kid day dreaming everyday now.

next step

blinks blinks
blips blips
YAWNSSSS~~~

only another more week to go.
and i am done with this movie project.

YAYS.

a little sad to learn that,
mmm... sad and glad,
that everyone feels the same.

about loving what we do, with passion.
but at the same time, it's most likely our last movie together.

it's fun, sure to see what every individual's contribution could be,
especially when put together on a big big screen,
to be viewed, enjoyed, criticized by many.
and even having it on dvd etc to last for a long long time.

but seriously it's a draining drilling torturing process of work.
and so little money. =.=

wonder what i'll do next.

then again it seems like we all have that pattern,
every time we say the same damn thing.
AFTER THIS PROJECT I QUIT!
and yet we come back for more.