some sign of aging

after more than a week of miss little paris (the ibook) decided to be ill,
perhaps terminally.
i have been badly deprived of the internet. properly.

since the phone can only do so minimal. and naturally i was lazy to figure out what or how else i could maximize it's usage. plus i had so much i wanted to write about.

tho, amazingly, here i am sitting in a horrid cyber cafe, my mind goes blank. like, white sheets of paper. not that i have a writers' block. i don't write properly to begin with, i just forgotten what all the fuss was about me coming into a cyber cafe.

... omg. what was it that i wanted to crap here!?
all the way here for nuts. i swear sometimes i simply amuse myself being silly.

*edited after 2 and the half hours later*

the package here is 3 hours for rm5. so, i wasted 3 hours here doing nothing but staring at the screen. browsing. and then i remembered, i wanted to rant about aging. like omfg. didn't the title like reminded me of it?

here's the thing, you will never feel that you are old, or grown up, turned matured when there are people your age or that you chill with people whom are just more matured than yourself.

however, lately i have been chilling with... kids, well not kids kids, but lads who are at least 8 years younger than myself. yes sure i've dated a 16yo when i was 22 but that's not the point here.

the point is i simply feel... OLD. damn it!

and they grow up way faster than you can say merdeka.

somehow perhaps it's because i envy them, being in a different generation where things are more settled down. part of me hated my generation, no doubt i like the year i was born in, sounding very chinese posh. but i detest the happenings in my time.

i blame the genes and the generation issues.

i see these younger generations much luckier than i am. better cell phones, cars and knowledge about life in total. perhaps it's only the bright side of life which has not included fending for themselves, and they have yet to suffer the real life itself that i see in them... then some are like telling me that they own boutiques... -_-

there's that urge to be better. which is good. but there's also that feeling where i am just tired of comparing all together and just want to run far far away from all this materialistic possessions.

like i say i envy them for that. regardless of how lucky i am already compared to others. i am only human, with a green eye monster in me.

now this is a rant so sue me if it doesn't make any sense. it's not suppose to anyways.