Sunday, March 29, 2009

hopefully it will happen with a smile.

i considered for not writing for awhile.

but then, who knows what will happen today or tomorrow.
so i decided to pen them down now,
just incase i forget.
especially since i forget so much easily now.

so i better just type them.
as i think.
of what i can remember about.

but i think too fast.
way too fast for my hands to type it out.
so there might be mistakes.
so bared with this hand racing mind typing post.

i often time think a lot before i sleep.
one of which is will i wake up tomorrow morning.
and if i didn't would i be happy and content.
would i come back and haunt or be able to move on.
which one of the many reasons,
led me into celebrating my birthday at the shelter home.

i didn't do enough good deeds.
and if i died in my sleep.
i would be thrown to hell.
without even able to fence for myself.

but saying i didn't have enough time,
would be lame.

we all have more then enough time.
i feel like i have too much time some days.
26 years on earth.
i wonder how many more i have.

but somehow people know when they are about to go.
i often have that feeling.
especially since now the heart is constantly at pain.
and the dry cough has not stopped.
i wonder will i cough out blood?

harvey bernard milk said he wouldn't live more then 50 years.
he died at 49.

when i was little i remember crying.
my sister asked me why.
i just watched a series about this lady,
who had her fortune read.
her life line was short, she is going to die young.
i saw mine, and it was short as well.
i will die young.
i cried. fearing i will die young.

now. i don't really mind that much.
this is not suppose to be a sappy post.
and it's not a sappy post.
when i decided to write again,
i promised not to write depressing stuffs.

to live, you must accept death.
... i didn't accept life... so can i embrace death...

mmm... ok it's getting late. my mind isn't working any longer.
had too much of 'little nyonya' on youtube.
from episode 8 i watched to episode 22...

to all the dear people in the world.
(who knows me...)
if you see me, perhaps fainted, ill, in some accident,
some ill-fated condition etc. etc. etc. don't save me, PLEASE.
if you did, i promise you, i SWEAR i will kill you.
don't save me. i am not worth it.
let me go.
i don't want to suffer. i fear that agonizing pain.
don't save me especially if i will come back silly.
... if this happens i WILL sue you big time. SUE you BIG time!!!
just let me go, because it's probably my time.
so let me slip to a world i probably would find bliss.

and i don't want any wake. funeral.
people don't make much time to see me/you when i am/you are alive.
so why bother coming when i am are dead.
i want them deprived/spared of seeing me STIFF.
i want them to remember the laughing me.

i do wonder, will i smile when i am dead.
gosh.
i wonder, if i will wake up in the morning.
and be able to write more another day.

i still have aplenty to say.
to rant to talk to brag about.
perhaps another day.
some other time.
but we will see for now.
will i slip away. hopefully with a smile.

but oddly i am rather excited about it.
such mix emotions.
must be the sleepy talk.
good night world.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

OMG! What happened? Is everything alright? Life has its ups and downs and it's a fact that all living things will eventually die. But to be able to live, you got to live it to the fullest and so, lead a happy life. The decision is in your hands, you walk your own path.

Don't despair when you make mistakes because nobody is perfect. Humans are born to make mistakes and it is from mistakes that we learn and grow to be better.

JD Cole said...

where can i see a furtune teller that can read my life line?

anyway, i hope u'll feel ok for the rest of the week~ :)

Glog said...

Write!!!
we love to hear from the prince himself!

Janvier said...

Then better make sure no doctors nearby, Hippocratic Oath you know...

Hmmm word verification 'redies'. Like you can die more than once (well only in the nonliteral sense).