life's an hourglass

i would like to think that my grandma is singing this song to me...

i am worried for her.

tears

i really do just feel like crying.

...

obsession out of boredom

i hate playing games.

one of the many reason is that i will get obsessed.
and lately i have been so...
tied up with certain things...
*work, life, life, life life...*
i just didn't wanna deal with...
*i have been pretty super anti-social of late*
so with my too much free time...

i got obsessed playing... angry birds. AGAIN!
this time trying to get all 3 stars!
=.=









soooooo funssss...
i mean to see all the STARS~~~ ^^
...
i still have so many bloody levels to clear... URGHS!!!
i get obsess with things pretty easily.
but i also loose interest equally fast...
*like how i already dislike the stupid lunatik*
... i hope i loose interest with this game... soon.

worried. terrified about losing her...

here i am... writing after suddenly bursting into tears...
yet another emo post.

i was being a good grandson ^^
washing up my grandma's bowl and utensils...
and suddenly... i felt fear...

i am really terrified that she might leave me soon.
not that she is admitting anything.
but i can see that she is suddenly so frail.
she is hunch on one side recently, SUDDENLY...

it hurts seeing her like this...

she was there for me everyday since i was a kid.
she bought me all my ninja swords...
whenever i threw a temper... she doesn't yell at me.
instead she comforts me...

she never lets me do the washings... up until today.
she buys me everything i want.
she lets me get away with everything,
even when my dad tries to beat me...
she will scream at him...
... and she's not even his mother...

i love all her silly hakka stories...
she told them to me over and over again when i was a kid.

i hid under the dinning table when i was young...
refusing to eat...
she will coax me and play with me...
all the while, patiently feeding me...

i love her more than i love my own mother...
but yet... she's not my real grandma...

if anything happened to her...
i might just flood. :(
please dear god... let her live a little longer...
i want to spend more time with her...
... and if you were to take her home...
be kind... let it be peaceful.
bring all her pains to me instead.
i will carry them for her.

it's pantang but...

i wish i was dead.
i really do.

well i am a little tipsy.
but still... sober enough to rant nonsense.
...
and well i honestly do wish i am... dead.
dying.

maybe i am... just that i don't even know it yet.
... i am so tired of living.

there are days where by i feel that there isn't enough time.
... but for now. i wish i am just... dead.
...

wow i am actually typing this with my eyes closed.
*i hate humans btw*

urghs.

maybe... it's for the best.
i don't know.

... but what i do know is that i really do feel like shutting down.
i am just so tired with dealing with "friends".

i don't know what is real anymore.
... or who is real... genuine...

i feel that facebook is overrated apart from it's videos...
... i just feel really really really tired in seeing people.

so i guess... either i go for a long hiatus... or... make this blog private.
... or just write somewhere else where nobody will see or know.

... i don't know.

... i hate it that he blocked me from seeing his wall. pfft.

:(

this has practically been the emoticon that i have been wanting to show.
but it wouldn't even really matter.
because...

well i guess... showing this :) would make things easier.

but that sort of makes,
everyday is a stage play.
every uttered word is a written script.

Time Flies

time flies,
from the moment you are created.

anticipation awaits.
from cells,
you grow.
into a living breathing being.

and time flies even faster,
even while waiting.

clock ticks.
surrounding keeps changing.
...
...
...

some days,
just by sitting here,
the click ticks away,
from morning,
suddenly it's evening.

i wonder what i am waiting for...
what i am living for...

even so, time flies.