i'm kinda badly effect...
with this emotional thingy.
and i don't exactly know how to block it out.
so write i should.
to at least rant it all out.
it's now close to a month since we last spoke.
in many ways it seems like, i am the one who wants this relationship.
this friendship, this brotherhood more.
seeing that it doesn't really matter to you if i called etc or not.
well i am not your boi, hyung.
even tho i said that let's just be friends or like brothers.
tho, i really don't know what's going on in that head of yours.
when you say you keep things to yourself,
that's how you are like, being selfish.
... that's not exactly true.
and i know it for a fact.
that you do talk about your problems to others.
you probably just don't trust me,
or feel uncomfortable about sharing those issues with me.
and i do get it. i know what it's like, to have someone,
that you could trust and console all your issues and problems with...
to me, it's you, the one, of the few people i would and could tell things to...
it just hurts that you would say that it's how you are like,
being selfish... when in actual possibilities, you are just not comfortable...
perhaps it's yet another menial thing that i am getting so worked up about.
but if all these while, it's just me sharing my problems with you,
me unloading all my dramas to you, when you don't feel comfortable sharing yours with me.
then i feel like i am a burden to your life.
that i need you more than you need me in your life.
which is, true.
the only reason why you have been so patient so far,
was probably only because i told you i would rather die than to loose you.
and you know what i mean.
it's just not fair to either of us.
since all i want is for you to be happy.
and if you are happier without me in your life.
then it's probably best that if we don't communicate so much anymore.
i don't hate you. i could never bring myself to hate someone i love so much.
and yes i don't think i could live a day without thinking about you...
but i will try.
i saw you last night, at my elephant, and you were looking good in your new hair cut.
i didn't want to be seen by you.
i do hope you didn't see me.
naturally you wouldn't have.
it's not the first time us being in the same room, yet i am invisible.
i will try to smile. and be happy.
just remember, i am here always if you need anything.
perhaps i am just another online friend, but i care a lot about you.
