send me a lover

i started another new book.
titled 'Send Me A Lover' by Carol Mason.

and at page 66,
i almost burst crying, i eventually did cry
when Angela's mom, Vivien said

and i quote:

"You will outlive your worst pain. Dogs die of a broken heart. People don't."

dogs die of broken heart?

i remember that day, 4th Sept 1998, sometime in the evening, around 1600 hours, i was standing infront of bukit bintang girls school. at the bus stop infront of starhill, waiting for a bus back home, i was coming back after seeing 'Take 5'.
that day also happened to be cindy hollis's birthday.

i suddenly felt a chill.
and you know that feeling when your ears felt oddly imbalanced.

it started to rain a little if my memory serves me well. just a minor rain.

when i got home, i thought i saw you greeting me.
and i just went into the house without even as simple as acknowledging you.

once i entered, grandma broke the news to me, that you were dead.
i was shocked.

you were my best bestest friend ever. even as close to me as a younger brother.
i am sorry if you died of a broken heart little astro boy.

i didn't know.

you were nicked named mickey when you were a puppy.
because of how your fur shaped your face. like a mickey mouse.
i know i keep telling you that.

till today, every single day i think about you.
i wish everyday you were here with me. playing.
me laughing, you barking.
how you would roll over and expect me to scratch you.
and how you would dig the garden, and when dad screams at you i scream back at him.
how you would be waiting at the gate/door for me.
and i will occasionally come patt you. scare you.
call for you for the fun of it.
sometimes you ignored me. -.- haha.
you were so manja.

and that time when i pulled you away from penny, because she seemed like she was in pain and i didn't know you were... 18SX with her... sorry to kacau your moment... -.- GOMEN!!!

and yet somedays, those days, especially those days, when you needed me, i wasn't there for you. i am so sorry. i should have stayed at home. i should have known you were sick.
would you forgive me?

i miss you so much!!!

after you, i did try to get a new puppy. twice.
once i wanted to look for your son, gizmo, but i had no idea where he was.
i was so angry with cousin for giving him away. when they could have given him back to me.
but the feeling was never the same.
and i stopped. because i know it would be unfair to the puppies.

at times, i thought maybe i could redeem myself with giving the new puppy more attention.
but half thinking it would mean i could and should have given those attention to you instead.

i love you, astro boy.

i'll say a rosary for you tomorrow. ^.^
because deep down inside i know we'll meet again in heaven.

*and no i got his name from a famous disney tv show, not from that stupid satellite company*

... astro are you the jealous type? i think you were a little when i was playing with pocket, gizmo, crystal, cynthia. ^.^
don't sabotage my other relationships k.
well of cuz you became immune to them, and you loved them too, you had to, they were your puppies. haha. :P