when all meets end

since, you decided to stop blogging.
it's high time i stopped too.
you were the main reason why i still wrote.
and kept it public.

now it's time to just stop.
remember now, don't be a stranger.
i want to be there for you too, Little Dove.

dear little bird...

the past few days,
i saw you online.

i wanted to say hi.
badly.

because i miss talking with you.
but somehow, that's not my place anymore to cheer you up.

i knew that you were sad.
and sick.
but yet...

well all i want to say is,
you know where to find me.
and that i am always there...

don't be a stranger.

take care and get well soon.

big hugs...

winks winks, WINKS!!!

ok. at first, i don't want to share.
but. i keep thinking of him.
gosh.
his wink.
i can melt.
then pikky has to spoil it all.
it's not a wink it's a blink...
-.-
nevertheless he's droolicious.

so it all started from this clip.
this amazing young lad.



but before that lad,
it was from this bunch of crazy girls.


*i kept singing this song on set till everyone went nuts*
*someone wanted to pay RM100 to shut my mouth HAHAHAHA*

so anyways i then clicked this... it was like AWWWW...



and it went even wild with OOOOOOOOH WOW~~~~
hots hots
NICHKHUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



and well once i click i can't stop right...
so i found this... LOLS!!!



... youtube is evil. i can spend my entire day watching clips...
-.-

xoq ɐɹopuɐd

˙˙˙ʎɐp ǝuıɟ ǝuo ɹǝɥʇouɐ ploʇ ǝq oʇ ʎɹoʇs ɐ
˙˙˙ʇı puıɥǝq ʎɹoʇs ɐ s,ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ
˙ʇı pǝʎoɾuǝ ɟlɐɥ ı
˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ pɐq ɟlɐɥ lǝǝɟ ı
˙ʎɐpoʇ uıɐƃɐ pǝʞoɯs ı

¡ǝɯ ƃuıllıʞ s,ʇı
˙ƃɯo
˙ǝƃɹn ʇɐɥʇ ʇnq ˙ǝpısuı sı ʇɐɥʍ ǝuıƃɐɯı ˙˙˙ʇsɐǝl ʇɐ plnoɔ ı os ˙pǝddɐɹʍ ˙sı ʇı sɐ ʇı ƃuıʌɐǝl ʇsnɾ ɯɐ ı ʍou os ˙˙˙ɯɯɯ
¡lnɟƃuıuɐǝɯ 'ɹǝɥʇɐɹ ʇnq ǝʌısuǝdxǝ ǝq oʇ sɐɥ ʇı uɐǝɯ ʇ,uop ı llǝʍ
˙snolnqɐɟ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ƃuıʇɔǝdxǝ sı ǝɯ ɟo ʇɹɐd ǝsoddns ı 'ʇnq
¡ʍou ʇuǝsǝɹd ʎɯ uǝdo oʇ pǝʇdɯǝʇ os ɯɐ ı

nothing, but a... dream.

if, say, you spend your entire life, thriving. slaving. just so you could have a fabulous life. one that lives the super high end luxury life. with hermes as your welcome door matt, but you trade away your youth. your faith. your time. your soul. your everything. but basically in return you get everything you every craved for. dreamt about. but what you lost most perhaps was time. to spend it. to really indulge it. to savour it. none the less you own it. a luxurious fabulous life.

then, here you have the option of sleeping most of your life away. but you can control your dreams. to be what you want. who you want to spend your life with, especially since perhaps he/she might not want you in real life. but you get the power to control it. since after all it's your dream. you perhaps lead a very basic normal life. maybe even a janitor. but you spend less hour, in this shit hole reality. that hurts. that haunts. that does everything wrong. while you have a cardboard as a home, but inside you can create a world of dreams where it will be all fabulous and harmless to yourself. especially since, no matter what, no matter when, there will be a day when that time comes, and you will be a lone again. to deal with life, alone.

so there isn't much differences if you have a million dollars in your bank, and a million fake friends, a handful of precious friends, because in the end you have to endure this loneliness, alone.

which one would you rather be???

you can have everything, you can buy anything, but time. you cannot have it. you will never own it. and it's clicking away. you can decide to sleep your fabulous life away. or dream of a fabulous life.

because if life was nothing but a dream. then i don't want to stop but dreaming all my life. one that is fabulous where it's really about ME. and me alone. and i wouldn't crave for reality, because it's not real or that it would last anyways. since when you die, you can't bring them to the afterlife. so does it really make a differences? to work all that hard for the same thing in the end...

i am going to bed. to sleep my life away. dreaming that fabulous life that i will probably never have in reality. but i own it in my dream. and at least then, i am at least... HAPPIER.
... i need some major sleeping pills. one where i will wake up when reality matches my happy dream moments. ^.^

kick ass

woahs. been a long exhausting week.
and somehow i never knew i had such energy in me.
it's been a while since i acted.
i don't consider the horrible experience in "impian" as acting.
more like being a puppet that got screwed up.
so goodbye boys, goal & gincu, pisau cukur was it... lols.

anyways, decided to take on a role for 8tv's new series.
already left in-charged of the styling.
then i was also offered the Production Designer's role.
WOOTS.

and i sure kick someone's ass flat with my work. HAHA.
even if i used ikea furniture. i kick her ass flat.
KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!
why because the previous Art Director wannabe has no colour sense.
^.^

from turning a run down apartment.
with a superb tight budget.
so tight my shopping last week was ultra super SPLURGE.
that's how shitty the budget is.
but yet i kicked ass!

from an messy-empty run down flat,



it was digusting!
and to learn that a girl is still living there then.
she doesn't clean it at all!!!
so before we started, we hired cleaners.
no way am i cleaning any toilet bowls. ^.^
or even mop the floor.



of cuz i wasn't doing all the paint work alone,
the in-house crew help painting the main colours.
and the interns help me paint the details.
many thanks to abang jamal, james, omar, liyana, dian.

i just love the wall effect i thought of. GENIUS!
*coughs and i stole coughs coughs but improvised Jen's artwork for the mural*



now a mmm... a pretty chill out crib.
i guess for a six day job, we transformed this place really superb already~la.



me a 26 year old playing a 16 year old student... -.-#



somedays, it's tiring.
exhausting. and perhaps endless criticizing.
but in the end, you are smitten,
when you know that,
you have at least entertained a handful of people.
^.^

and then i am so proud of myself.
because at least then,
i feel like i did something really good.
and i have something to leave behind after i "kaput".
LOLS.

and then i feel like i need a self reward and i will go out shop like a mad little kid who has been chained to a evil evil room for the longest time, hence when i see a shop with super nice things, i feel like a boy who sees a hot super sexy chick. i have that urge to BUY everything and splurge like a mad mad mad dog.

so... catch blogger boy this coming end may on 8tv. ^.^

six packs

mmm.
is it worth it?
going thru all those torture in the gym.
just to get a six pack.
and then you have to maintain it.
just so you look good...
>.<

and the moment you stop working out.
for lets say a week... then it turns to be two weeks.
next you know it, a month...
and PROOFFFFS... your six pack is GONE!!!

and you have to start ALL over again.
eat eat eat eat eat.
gym gym gym gym eat.
JUST SO YOU LOOK GOOD!
to impress, to seduce a potential husband... -.-
gosh. shallow. GEEEZ!

to the potential husband.
you don't have to flaunt me your abs.
your hot triceps.
or big biceps.
just show me the MONEY. ^.^
LOLS~~~

i will send you to some instant six pack comestic surgery.
way way way way faster.
and it last. long time~

missing something... something like... you.

geeez
*meet my new tag line*
GEEEZ!!!

kakakaka.
even tho this entry will/might sound a little emo.
i really am OK.

been feeling a lot better.
with the ups and downs.
i went shopping.

mmm... just this 4 days... RM6k...
i bought so much crap i can open a shop already.
my room... already packed to the ceiling...
... well lets just say i need another room.
for my clothes.

... and YET i have nothing to wear when i go out.
can you BELIEVE that???
*like Jen said, there's always a LIE in BELIEVE*

so how can i still be an emo wreck...
because i miss him.
-.-
like tak habis habis about him.
it sucks big time. but hey... i am dealing with it.
slowly.
tho every time i try.
... -.- i don't even want to think about it.
... ok fine i am worried sick that you are in BKK!!!
i know it's not my place. but i just am.

it sucks. sucks so much that, i will never be able,
... to fall in love again like this.
seeing you makes me smile.
i am content with that. just being close to you.
shrugs. i have never felt like this about a person...
in my entire life before meeting you.
and i know, that i will never be able to again.
and even tho i almost could, and that i did...
loving a bird that flies in and out of your life...
... what could you make out of that...

i want a new phone *blackberry or iphone... or both*
i want a new camera *leica or ricoh or canon or sony*
i want a new ipod
i want...
i want...
i want a live in chef to cook for me whenever i am hungry.
i NEED a super rich young cute gorgeous boyfriend! ^.^
... who loves me a lot more than i do. i am so honest.

geeez, i know the beginning and the ending doesn't make sense.
haha. my mind. my head has been a little coo coo ca choo

you are such a selfish prick!

sighs.

one minute i am chirpy.
next second... the world is like my worst enemy.

should have been a fun day.
but it turns out to be a mmm... mood less one.
things on set didn't really went as planned.
the scenes i memorized for was last minute cancelled.
and other scenes were slotted in instead,
which were long and being a dory fish i couldn't memorize them.

i think the director was moody. -.-
i turned moody... and felt stressed!
even when my new camera was delivered on set,
i wasn't even really smiling... or happy.
gggggrrrrrrrrrrr... and i was so looking forward to playing with it.
now it's just sitting at the pile of clothes.

then my sister is being all evil at home... -.-
urgggh i hate them all!!!
they are idiots to begin with,
but that doesn't mean i have to be like them.

i hate her. i wish she died. i seriously do.
my dear sister, that day will come,
when you will truly see.
and hopefully understand.
if only you see your reflection in the mirror now.
how ugly you have become...

... i never wanted this life. i really never did.
... i don't know why...
... i don't understand why...

to be all honest, when the pain happened on the chest,
i was/am/still half hoping for something tragic.
cancer... fine.
leukemia... FINE.
the pain? i know i can bare with it.
it still hurts but i am all numb to it already.
YAYs! bring it on!!!

... i know i am mumbling. i am being emo after all.
SIGHS!

face off metaphor

this is one of my many overdue post.

our face is like a car.
regardless of what it is,
most things in life,
you will need to maintain it.

you have to send it for servicing regularly,
not just to maintain but also to preserve the condition.
and as i said the face is like a car.

some people will think that going thru botox is ridiculous,
just because you have to do it every few months once.
well the car goes thru the same ordeal.
you have to service it at lease every three months,
even if you don't use it.
so why shouldn't the face?

i used to dread the idea of plastic surgery, botox etc.
but now, they are my NEW toy.
not that i would go thru a knife or botox
to make myself more... presentable.
especially since there are many other options.
such as CO2 laser, chemical peel, etc.

those are mainly procedures to service/maintain/preserve the face.
making it more youthful, radiant, smooth.
and seriously it's better then facial!!!
most of these treatments you can do as much as you want.
and they don't have side effects. (like CO2!!!)
AMAZINGLY right!?
ok... some do... but low la.

plastic surgery however is like car modification.
and like car modification, it could be addictive.
once you are done with the nose job you want a boob job etc.
so you need a lot of money. i mean a lot of money.

as one of my friend's hair stylist once said,
you cannot afford not to not afford it.
you see at a stage you will tend to do some modification.
regardless how perfect it may seem to be.

and quoting my own words,
our face is like the car,
we need to service it.
maintain it. PRESERVE it.
the only differences.
if the car kantoi, you can still buy a new one,
the face kantoi... means KANTOI!!!

but as long as you know how to control yourself,
plastic surgery or chemical treatment or laser,
as long as it works, JUST GET IT THEN!!!
just don't over do it... HAHA.

this is not much of a promotional post but rather an awareness post.
^.^ cheers to the modern vain world of spending and luxury of beauty.

well yes, only the rich can afford this lifestyle...
and the term aging gracefully... i guess it no longer exist. -.-
oh well so if you can't beat them join them!!!
just hopefully i will never resort to botox.
but well never say NEVER~

this all started with my keloid treatment... and now i swear by CO2.
HAHAHAHAHA! -.-
actually for details... MSG ME! LOLS!!! :P
but... erm it's so not cheap loh.

urghs.

i hate myself.
i really really do.

so then, let it be. and it shall be.

geeeze...
i really really really don't know,
if that decision i made weeks ago was the right one.

sighs. LE SIGHS.

but i guess it's for the best.

tho every time i see or be near... gosh.
it just sucks.
but it's for the best.

i'll just have to make do with this arrangement.
and be really content and HAPPY with it.

let it be written as it is said.
let it be done, as it is written.

MFEO no

... i swear watching shows like little nyonya is really bad for my health!
it's so depressing that i can literally DIE... -.-
NEVER again... i hope... will i ever wanna watch sad soapy series!!!

why can't they all just be like will & grace all laughssssss and that's it???

two prefect couples... so lovely... so perfect... but yet... they are not together!!!
yet they both love one another so much... SIAL SIAL SIAL SIAL!!!
haihz...

i don't dare to wish, yet alone dream of it. all i can is, imagine a life i will never have.
... sighs... i am too good at corny lines now... anyone care to quote me? ^.^