out with 2008, in with 2009

this past few days i have been happy.

maybe because i have no expectation,
on anything.

and that makes life easier.

so there's no need for any silly 2009 resolution.

just a simple thought which is to live life to the fullest,
happily ride along with the crisis.

so 2008 came by with a blink of an eye.
am sure 2009 would just pass us by.
even if it doesn't as long as there's love,
anything can happen.
anything can be conquered.

meet many many wonderful people,
gotten to know some people way way better.
*some you wish you didn't know too well*

promised not to travel much. and i didn't.
*although next year i want to go melbourne and japan, revenge.*

completed a new movie and a series.
*hope there's more to come next year*

went for a short trip with someone i care a lot. a lot.
*i want MORE haha*

ride an ostrich.
*wanna ride the bola next year, Sphereing*

was amazed with the freeze movement
*and it died off as fast as it suddenly became HOTS*

am actually wondering what i want to do in life.
*all these sure sounds a little like a resolution... =.=*

in a way life is about waiting for death.
you plus one to your age,
and minus one for your life span.
*yes i had to end it in a very emo way*

CHEERS TO A FANTABULOUS 2009~!!!
MAY IT ROCK AND SHAKE THE WORLD.

and hopefully all the bad guys will just die off. CHEERS to that. oh and WORLD PEACE!

... fashion is going to be in a deep odd shape next year. yawns.

sunday is gay

*this post is back dated, 20/08/08. 11.39*

o.m.g.
i was changing my tag line.
since it clearly needs an update.

and... o.m.g.

i think this is the best way to detect who is gay.

Birth Dates
Monday's Child is fair of face,
Tuesday's Child is full of grace,
Wednesday's Child is full of woe,
Thursday's Child has far to go,
Friday's Child is loving and giving,
Saturday's Child works hard for a living,
But the Child that is born on the Sabbath Day,
Is witty and wise and good and gay!

like holly shit.

mmm. tho i am in the giving mood lately.
i rather be receiving. and not in that anal way. =.=#

just a kite, without a string attached.

i am looking at pictures.
of a lot of different pictures.
trying to place them,
organize them.

but,
suddenly,

none of them feels warm to me.
suddenly.

i feel like a stranger.
looking at people i know.

some smiling, some laughing.
some posing. others just stoning.

some days, i don't know why i am here.
born into this world.

placed in this country.
doing what i am doing now.

today, this very moment is one of them.
i feel, so ever lonely and lost.

someone said,
he is like a string without a kite.
but i think i am a kite,
without a string.
floating in the air, with no guidances.

meaningless attachments

nothing last forever.

even memories can be forgotten.

in general if things are not preserved then it's history. literally.

life on earth as it is, is only temporary,
where we lead after this journey remains a mystery.

tho those are a different subject,
what i want to say is,
because nothing is forever,
we need to learn to let go.

of many things,

let it be love, because one day your partner will leave you.
if it's not because of death, then perhaps a change of heart.
which is worst than death itself.

and one day while aging,
we'll loose our sight,
our sense, and the other elements we were once blessed with.

so be prepared.

and to that, there is no reason why one should get so obsessed with their possessions.

they are just materialistic item.

plus holding on to something sometimes is just silly.
just let the moments that it was with you, be treasured.
it's about not being so pissed when you loose something in life.
*let it be a prada, a dior, a chanel or whatever it is, it's just a THING!*

because it's meant to be, because it's a matter of time.
eventually you will not have them,
simply because when you die, you leave everything behind,
you go as you came in life, by yourself. empty.
but with love side by side.

you come into life with your parent's love,
you leave with the love of life.
and that is the most valuable possession that one can carry forward to his/her new journey.

nothing is meant to be permanent in life,
so no reason to be so attached to materialistic things,
and enjoy everything while they last.
savour them. :D

*omg this post was written since september 2nd, but i never had the chance to properly compose it, not that it's perfect now either...*

where does it go???

i have been resting well the past few days.
^_^

been going out... lepaks cincai... and events~
been sleeping way way... overly... erm... just way too much.
*like a baby*
been shitting properly... *blushes*
been eating happily as well...
been only doing window shopping... like seriously!

but anyways, so...
for the sleep i can understand...
if you over do it you get headaches.

shitting properly is good,
and the smooth flow is all thanks to the fiber intake.
*GOD i LOVE the fruits thou has created!!! YUMS*

the window shopping,
like seriously i want everything NEW,
but i have EVERYTHING i want already.
*except some new possible items...*
so i know i shouldn't shop.
plus i should learn to save.
for the possible rainy days to come...
*i hope they don't come at all*

now about the eating...
there's this thing that has been troubling me.

where does it go?

no no i don't mean me gaining out of it...
like what i eat is what i turn into.... erm...
i know i wouldn't gain weight that easily already...
permanently i mean. you know you know... turn FAT...
*whistles~~~*

i know now that i am a black hole.
or a tunnel...
what goes in comes out almost immediately.

*thanks to the amazing metabolism and digestion ability*

but what i don't get is...

on those days when i get constipation or when i just can't digest super fast...
*i am serious sometimes i eat then i literally have to shit...*

anyhow... *oh shut up that it's disgusting... it's NORMAL k...*
ok after you PASS-MOTION...
anyhow, let's say you eat like... 1kg of food...
naturally you gain about 0.8kg for that moment,
give and take you loose some erm atoms etc... =.=?
and you probably feel bloated etc etc etc...
maybe even gassy.

tho, in few hours later, if you don't shit it out immediately,
when you no longer feel bloated already... after all the burping... farting...
where or what happens to that weight?

MMMMMMMMM???

DO YOU GET ME?

feces can't be all that heavy... right? like 0.5KG??? so heavy!?

does mass turns into energy?

mmm...

maybe it's like

food = charcoals.

after charcoals burns, they turn into ashes...

charcoal = heavier ; ashes = almost weightless
food = heavier ; feces = lighter

so after food is digested they turn into feces...

so digesting converts mass into...
erm eh... digestion BURNS mass!!!?

OH that's why you become thin if you don't eat.
your body/stomach digests YOU.
LOL...

*omg i am going MAD... must stop thinking already*

a lot of dots in my head

... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...
... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...

ok so i don't know what to blog.

nonsense... of cause i do know what to blog.
but, i seriously don't know how to compile them together.

not only that, i don't even know how to compose them properly.

my head seriously cannot think lately.
and i am half loving it.

and half thinking i am getting dumb.
LOLS.

but whatever it is i miss JAY.
www.isorule.blogspot.com
sighs... till today nobody's blog is as close to his wittiness.
nothing is as creative and simple as his either.
GOSH I MISS JAY~~~~~~~~!!!
snobs snobs snobs.

ok ok i will TRY to post up something interesting later this week.
hopefull nothing too bitchy.
i am afterall in a very long holiday mood.
WHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ~~~

does it matter

i see a lot of blogs out there, that is starting to loose interest.
either that or it would be some lame boring post.
so boring my ceiling looks way more interesting.

but quiet honestly i am feeling it too.
often time i don't know how to even write anymore.
i don't mean just a slight writer's block.

partially it's because all i want to blog are rather emo stuffs.
i feel that it's rather depressing to have them out here.

not that i am shy of having it read by people,
but more like, does it matter at all to what i have to say/write?

not just the emo stuff, i do have a lot in my head.
tho lately it's rather in a mess.

just like my room is in a mess,
my house is in a mess.
and my life itself is in a big huge mess.

but all these adding them all up together does it even matter to you?
it's my freaking life and i am no animal.
and this blog is no zoo or an aquarium.

perhaps like all trends in the past, is this the end of the 21st century blogging trend?
wonder what would be next, and what everyone the likes of bryan boy etc be doing then.

but one thing for sure, i have never once blog for anyone by myself.
it's just entertaining to read it later in life. if i ever manage to survive this brutal period.

mistakes

it's been some time. since i crap something here.

been a crazy week.
and like most days,
i don't know what to crap here anymore.

some days i have loads to write,
but that only happens whenever i am not near the computer.

then some days, when i am about to even type them,
i feel, what's the point again of writing all these notes down?

whatever it's worth, it's to remind myself of life~

sometimes in life,
we learn better from our mistakes.

sometimes mistakes are way better than the original plan.
most times they turn out ok.
they become something more, creative.

mistakes are what teaches us, and
changes us.
groom us into something new that we didn't know before.

mistakes are part of our life.
a learning process.

and there is nothing shameful about it.

STICK

i have a few circles of friends.

but i feel like a i am visitor with a super VISA.

since i don't exactly belong to either groups.
mmm maybe not good enough to stick to either of them...
but i see all of them la. still...

maybe i am like a spy...
i meet all and then exchange gossips...

you see i wouldn't call them, and they wouldn't call me.
mmm... ok so some calls me and some i will call too la...

anyhow we will somehow meet up.
the clubbing circles in clubs loh.
the gossips queens, at cafes loh.
you get the general idea.

and the farniest thing is...
one group would be like all muscle mary.
like literally all big size, gym queens.
totally paranoid of useless carbs...

and one group will consist of odd size shapes.
totally odd sizes, to a stage there are... unidentified genders...
i would say lives on alcohol...

and the other will be like average size...
the one that wouldn't mind eating and eating.
not FAT k. average size people~~~

but wherever i go, either any of these groups...
i am like the stick loh... =.=

well my point is...

i feel like a kid with the muscle mary group...
a very small boy...

with the average group...
i feel like i a small boy too...

and even in the odd size... i feel like i am like a...
...
STICK...

conclusion?
i am so BLOODY THIN!!!
KNNCB!!!

i got eats what!!!
WHY~~~
=.=#

one of those days

somedays,
those days,
when you come back from a long day out,
working.

and when you are back,
all you want is some TLC~
but you don't get them.

today is that kind of day.
where i would sit at the corner of the wall,
sulking.
arms holding my legs,
wrapping myself around.
wondering thinking.

what is all this fuss about life,
when it's just so empty.
and lonely.

just perhaps, it's time.

this has been going on for a while now.

i made a promise to myself back then,
not to make a fuss about it.
to be quiet about it.
not to turn the blog emo emo again.

but now, the time has come.
and oddly so has the pains.

for the past few months every since,
loving you has turned into a pointless direction,

the heart has been feeling a certain pain.
a pain that i don't understand.

but i have been baring with it.
coping with the pain.

till now, it has evolved into something more,
critical.

and today i felt another jab in the heart.
my breathing flow has become rather inconsistent as well.
and difficult.

perhaps, maybe perhaps,
if i continue having this pain,
then maybe, i can leave this world away from all those other,
those pains and sufferings.

proud of myself~ and a little bitching~~~ ^_^

hehe.

today marks the official day that we wrap "Pisau Cukur'
*grrr still got photoshoot on the 13th*

YAYS!!!

and even tho i have seriously amazed myself with this shoot...

and a little too vain about it...

and that everyone on set told me it's ok to be proud of yourself~~~

^_^

as much as i know that everyone on set knows it,
it feels different when they actually say it.
now praise me more k~~~
the diva loves it. HAHA.

^_^
*big glee smile~~~*

to make it better, the prop department got so much bitching from,
the production team, the hair and make up team, the director...
and yours truly,
that everything on set looks cheapsss... and tacky... and BORING... and PLAIN.
dull and empty... and did i mentioned CHEAP?

yet that woman so perasan that her work is good... =.=#

it was such a blessing that the director gave a HUGE compliment,
to the styling department that we made the movie look so well.
no thanks to the prop department. HAHAHAS!!!

just kesian the production designer having to bare with her.

mmm... tho i still think someone owes me a big huge apology.
and well i owe an apology... some apologies...

anyhow... YAYS it's over. like wow so fast too. haha.

a big huge thank you to all the sponsors, cast and production team of PISAU CUKUR,
for making everything HAPPEN, and baring with me for this whole month!!!

K go watch it next year in the cinemas~~~!!! mid jun/july~

i am just so proud of myself. :P
... i better win best costume designer... HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

in a split of a second

once second i am like no that's it.
no more other projects with this company.

next second another producer offers me a new series and i take it...

like... i seriously do not know what i want in this life already.

soooooo sick and tired of it.

and no i do not need a break. i believe i just got back from a very long one not that long ago...
(9 months ago)
and honestly... that is not very long since i wasn't really working for the past 6 months before that.

i guess in a lot of ways i am worried about living this life the right way.

doing what is expected of others.
sighssss... this is so not fun.
feels extremely stressful.
*touch touch face... OMFG i have two new HUGE PIMPLES on my forehead!!!*
=.=#

*puppy eyes*

gosssssh.
till today i can't stop but think of you.
everyday~~~

i am so hopelessly in love with you.

=.=

don't want to ruin what we have now.

haihz~~~
in life...
we need love,
can't do without love,
when there's too much going on,
we can't stand it...

grrrs.
complicated sial.

i feel like a small kid day dreaming everyday now.

next step

blinks blinks
blips blips
YAWNSSSS~~~

only another more week to go.
and i am done with this movie project.

YAYS.

a little sad to learn that,
mmm... sad and glad,
that everyone feels the same.

about loving what we do, with passion.
but at the same time, it's most likely our last movie together.

it's fun, sure to see what every individual's contribution could be,
especially when put together on a big big screen,
to be viewed, enjoyed, criticized by many.
and even having it on dvd etc to last for a long long time.

but seriously it's a draining drilling torturing process of work.
and so little money. =.=

wonder what i'll do next.

then again it seems like we all have that pattern,
every time we say the same damn thing.
AFTER THIS PROJECT I QUIT!
and yet we come back for more.

perhaps some illness

feeling happy.

and morbid at the same time.

a little odd, a little too weird.

but all seems like it's too good.

geesh. i truly wonder i am being plastic even to myself?

tho honestly i find trouble smiling lately.
it feels like it takes up more muscle and energy to concave the lips.

and i have been having a constant migraine.

like i had some concussion or something.

perhaps the worms have lay eggs on the skull.
*all thanks to that horrid sushi email*
and they are munching the brains.

no wonder i feel screwed up and dumber by the day.

Pisau Cukur

i am loving my work on set.

there are ups and downs.
naturally.

but overall i love the colours and moods i have set so far.
feeling sooooo proud of myself. *winks*

it's not a self praise~
everyone says so.

now even the divas are tamed by moi.
kakakakakakakaka.

and now everybody knows, there can only be one diva on set,
and that diva is ME. hehe.

2 more weeks, and i am DONE with 'Pisau Cukur'*,
perhaps then i should learn to be a 'Pisau Cukur'*.

WOOTS~ i need a holiday.
with the sun, sea, sand...
sex and sangria~~~
^_^

*pisau cukur means gold digger in malay*

choices - decision

if i didn't take the chances of using the tunnel,
if i decided on the normal route,
perhaps then i wouldn't have gotten lost.

perhaps then the accident would not have happened.
then perhaps, i would have had a normal day today. (saturday)

but instead i decided to take chances.
and that choice lead to an accident.

nothing major just some damages.
not my fault.
i was driving the uncle decided to open his door suddenly.
regardless my driving speed, fast or way slower,
i would have still, knock his car door. down.

after some major minor argument,
thank god for once a police car was ronda-ing.
he decided to fix my car instead of settling it with just RM150.
(HELLO RM150!? THAT'S MY AX TSHIRT PRICE K!)

then the rain came pouring down.
another decision was needed.
to drive home now or to leave the car here. (at the workshop)
since they can only get it fix by monday onwards.

it was only then that i realized,
i have nobody that i could rely on.
to help me. to come rescue me.

even daddy wasn't available.
for someone i have never called for more than 2 years,
in this state of desperation, even he was too busy for me.

no prince in a shinning amour.
no super heroes.
just me myself and i.

even tho it was raining then,
i still kept a smile on my face.
*whoever said frowning took up more energy than to smile is so WRONG!*

life goes on no matter what.
alone or otherwise.
it's the decision that matters,
be happy or be sad about it.

and for everything else, there's always cash.

torched to touched

the night before the shoot i was about to get a stoke.
and a nervous breakdown.

i was basically hyperventilating and hypertension, hyper everything else.
including excited.

my heart rate was beating so fast i almost couldn't breathe.

i wanted everything to be perfect. in every single way.

so i decided to fuck the night, stay up and forget about sleep.
just finish up fixing everything.

plus i had to wait for a designer friend to finish up a pajamas.
which was worth waiting for. till 2am in the morning.

things on set was hectic. drama. and crazy.
divas were being divas.
and since being the first day, with everyone.
i decided to play low key.

no point in making a big huge fuss. yet.

the day went by with me being slighty annoyed.
and pretty much emo.

our dancing shoes was stolen. i had to get new ones.
nobody else cared how important they were.
i had no choice but to go via LRT~ to get them.
if it wasn't the timing and the rain. i would have drove.

and phone calls kept coming,
that i talked as if i shouted on the LRT.
ok fine. i was shouting. =.=#

thank god you smsed me asking how things were.
allowed me to rant... a little. and bring up a smile in me.

then thursday came. my mtv ad. not too bad fast cash pay. ^_^
and ellie got fast easy cash for loaning the space out. ^_^ heh.

but the best part of it all was when peter said,

when he learn from alex that i did gng.

that he knows a young aspiring fashion designer boy,
who loved my work. who simply adores gng.

and that brought the inner part of me smiling.

and knowing that, truly for once that i have inspired others, i feel good about myself. and my work.

screw the haters. :P

many times i feel like breaking down.
giving up all hope.
that nobody in this team appreciates it.

then some stranger comes telling me what differences i have made.
suddenly whatever stress and torture i have gone thru seems worth it all.

i am dead tired now. deprived of sleeps. turning... turned into a panda.
a sick panda since the first day of shoot. with high fever, flu any everything else sick.

and i simply love my sponsors.
adidas, hermes, louis vuitton, jimmy choos, radley, lesportsac, shinju pearls, chris & delph, anod, kitsch, mooks, rip curl, crocs, reliance optical.
I HEARTS YOU!!!
thank you. for making it a blast!!!
*LOL it's like an anugerah speech~~~*

way way more days to go before this nonsense ends.
T_T i need sleep now.

*sorry i haven't really figured out how i should post pictures... and well not that i had the time or mood to snap any anyways*
*tho i really regretted not snapping some with the mtv crews... but then again they shoot a whole video of ME*
*i shall remind myself to shoot more picturesssss*

all in one

i am happy, sad, excited, nervous,

i am also tired, restless, sick, constipated, dehydrated,

as well as sleepy, exhausted, disappointed, deprived,

i have also been smoking for the fun of it, a death wish,

and many many other positive and negative mix emotions,

all at the same time.

but knowing that you are there for me to cheer me up,

when i am down down down,

that just brings a smile to me.

can't wait for the production to start and end.

where should i go to reward myself after all this hard work~~~

^_^

*MTV update*

joyce's will be ala carrie bradshaw, she'll be blogging from home etc.

amani's is going to be in an old theatre or studio. she'll be... rolling on the bed???

while mine will be ala ugly betty... =.= HAHA. i'll be... a secret for now. haha.

humour me~~~

hoollly marconi and cheeses.

it's sorta of confirmed i think. at least it sounds like it.

that joyce, sharifah and i are the chosen talents...

is that even the right word? blogger, actress and fashionista?

erm for what?

for a ad, an intel ad made only for mtv asia.

i know. i got a shock to when they called.

i thought i was styling the ad, but no~~~ they want me in the ad... =.=

weird i am not even as famous as joyce and sharifah.

hahahahaha. i just like the idea of the fast cash~ LOL.

stand up, my bag is more important than your dumb fat ass.

why MUST people put my bag down on the floor?
just because they have no place to sit!?

that doesn't mean they can put MY BAG ON THE FLOOR!!!

have you ever thought ever the bag travels?

especially a girl's bag. they go everywhere with them.
and they place it everywhere!!!!

grossssss~~~

they go to the loo, and they leave it on the counter top.
and FYI the cleaners uses that ONE MOP to MOP everything,
from the floor to the toilet bowl.
so now your bag touched the toilet literally.

then when they go out they leave it on the floor.
god knows who's shoe stepped on what and stepped on that floor.
even if it's carpeted... actually especially when it's carpeted.
at lease the tiles, they mop.

and when they go home. they leave the bag on the kitchen counter,
dinning table. where your food is made and served.
GROOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSS~~~

then... the ultimate grotesque is when they finally leave in on the bed.

LIKE EWWWWWWWWW!!!

so... whoever that place my bag on the floor deserves a BIG KICK!
i dun care if you have to stand up. or at least have the courtesy to pass it to me!
not the FLOOR. fucker!

first impression

i think i am somehow,
erm easily forgotten.
*and oh boy i thought i posted this since 19.09.08 but i didn't...*

like i don't have a good face.
or no esthetic feature that will leave a mark at people's mind.
i am "DORY" to people's memory.

while friends back in hong kong are busy attending social events.
one of my friend was shocked that her friend who used to work for roland mouret,
remembers him,
and they go a long way back.

but a simple reason why roland mouret,
such a prominent figure would remember a minion to the fashion industry.

they had a huge argument before.
the slave, yelling at the master.

perfect embodiment to the mind.

hence from now onwards,
people i am going to meet for the first time.
i will either slap, kiss, embrace, step on his/her feet, yell at or something wacky,
just so i leave a footprint in his/her mind.

and he/she can have a tale to tell.
hahahaha.

you have been warned. dear strangers.
either way you'll love me long time.

happiness is meant to be shared

it was a simple reunion.

of a simple small group of 8.

good conversations.
mostly nonsenses. haha.

i am glad at least with the college mates we didn't drifted that far apart.
(we sooooooooo rarely talk already T_T)

at least we can still communicate.
(everything, anything, from design, feng sui to our shopping addictions to life to politics)

regardless where we have been in the past few years.
(tokyo, australia, spain, london, hong kong, paris, berlin etc)

it was a good catch up to see everyone so successful in their own fields.
(interior, mass communication, fashion, graphic)

and of cause some people don't change much.
(like some who always leave without paying her meals)

instead of being a little envious with their achievements,
i am actually really happy for them.
and that's a first. haha.

finally. the end of the one way street.

time flies.
if we were together it could possibly be our 2nd anniversary end of next month.

that's a big huge IF.

instead, i had a heart to heart talk early this morning with him.

heh.
like really early.

just as what someone said earlier this month to me,
give someone else a chance in your life.

if it was meant to be with him,
don't you think it would have happened already.

all this while i was in denial,
maybe it's just not time yet,
for us, to be together.

haha.
silly.

i think instead of tearing us apart.
it actually brought us closer together as friends.

and finally even tho it's a fruitless utterly...
in this case scribbling of words,
you finally know that i don't just like you,
but i love you.

and always will.
even tho we'll always be just friends.

body gesture

so kiuts.
i just love the simple little gesture, body language?

ever notice that recently,
a lot of people, cashiers to be exact,

when they return your change, its with two hands?
and the left is usually on the bottom of the right,
while the right is holding the change la.

so korean ala style of handling/passing something over,
returning something.

so nice.

it was just recently right?

like they way malay salam.

totally kiuts!

isn't that nice

imagine that,
once in a while,
someone random,
comes up to you with a smile,
and asks you, if you are alright~?

well since i am sorta of back in blogging.

the current intro tag line is a little off track.

so i was thinking what to write.

since i no longer want to have a face on the blog.

and want to keep it simple. clean... almost empty.

i have absolutely no idea.

but it should be about me, naturally.

so let's talk about my birthday.

that only makes sense...

minimal info but strong enough.

11 March, 25 years ago was a friday.

and a friday's child is loving and giving.

no wonder i don't receive much.

damnit. i want to be the receiving end!!!

i am a joy to everyone around me?
my natural kindness shines through???

really meh!?

i am... that giving? hooo hooo... depends to who.
gives joy to people... mmm... izzit???
kindness shines through? hahahahahahahahahas!!!

where did that kid go to. LOL.

some sign of aging

after more than a week of miss little paris (the ibook) decided to be ill,
perhaps terminally.
i have been badly deprived of the internet. properly.

since the phone can only do so minimal. and naturally i was lazy to figure out what or how else i could maximize it's usage. plus i had so much i wanted to write about.

tho, amazingly, here i am sitting in a horrid cyber cafe, my mind goes blank. like, white sheets of paper. not that i have a writers' block. i don't write properly to begin with, i just forgotten what all the fuss was about me coming into a cyber cafe.

... omg. what was it that i wanted to crap here!?
all the way here for nuts. i swear sometimes i simply amuse myself being silly.

*edited after 2 and the half hours later*

the package here is 3 hours for rm5. so, i wasted 3 hours here doing nothing but staring at the screen. browsing. and then i remembered, i wanted to rant about aging. like omfg. didn't the title like reminded me of it?

here's the thing, you will never feel that you are old, or grown up, turned matured when there are people your age or that you chill with people whom are just more matured than yourself.

however, lately i have been chilling with... kids, well not kids kids, but lads who are at least 8 years younger than myself. yes sure i've dated a 16yo when i was 22 but that's not the point here.

the point is i simply feel... OLD. damn it!

and they grow up way faster than you can say merdeka.

somehow perhaps it's because i envy them, being in a different generation where things are more settled down. part of me hated my generation, no doubt i like the year i was born in, sounding very chinese posh. but i detest the happenings in my time.

i blame the genes and the generation issues.

i see these younger generations much luckier than i am. better cell phones, cars and knowledge about life in total. perhaps it's only the bright side of life which has not included fending for themselves, and they have yet to suffer the real life itself that i see in them... then some are like telling me that they own boutiques... -_-

there's that urge to be better. which is good. but there's also that feeling where i am just tired of comparing all together and just want to run far far away from all this materialistic possessions.

like i say i envy them for that. regardless of how lucky i am already compared to others. i am only human, with a green eye monster in me.

now this is a rant so sue me if it doesn't make any sense. it's not suppose to anyways.

dead tears

i want to cry.
i need to cry.
i have to cry.

it's been since forever.
but i just can't get the tears out.

it's frustrating.
it hurts.

i don't know how to get it over with.

this sucks. seriously.

every time an emotion builds up inside,
and i can't burst it, it turns into a burden.
eventually i will have to burst.
and that would be major.
and i don't want that.
major burst is major major drama.

please let me go faster. please.

as simple as how we chinese eat. NON-HALAL~LA!

now this is hilarious.
when i heard about it from Philip,
i thought yea right.
and when i read the online newspaper, which was barely a sentences,
i still figured... yea sure.

but now... OMFG.

honestly it's as simple as how we Chinese eat.

if the malays... i mean if the islams do not fancy it,
just put a damn NON-HALAL sign there.
*because some malays are not that islamic*

why the fuck did they ban my Avril concert?
ma ci bai!

even tho i did not buy the ticket. but i am sure i will be seeing her.
some how...
ci bai!!!

you are afraid of your kinds getting more screwed up?
then put~la a NON-HALAL concert sign there!!!

ISHHHHHHH... i wonder if Avril sang Chinese would they care to ban?

like hello they didn't ban S.H.E. or Jolin from entering... BODOHS!

and the organizers also another one...
why didn't they promot Avril as CHINESE POP STAR?
she has her songs in different languages what!

MA HAI!

what merdeka? this year has anyone seen any flags on the cars?
almost... most definitely ZERO!

T_T
i sads.

*nah just needed to rant my cunt-try's ass off ain't that sad about it. :P*

it's just that it's time we put a stop to this silliness.
if the islam can't take it.
then make a NON-HALAL concert.
FIN.
it's AS if the rich islams would not fly to singapore/indonesia to watch a sexy bomb sing la.
gosh. brainless.
can make money ok!
like sell the tickets more ex la!
sure the kampung folks can't afford ma. doinks.
city folks already corrupted la. with or without Avril...
no differences. :P

now i wonder what Avril is thinking...
"THANK ALLAH for banning me. I so did not wanna wear a bloody sauna suit JUBAH... WOOTS!!!"
-_-

oppie opsie agie

amazingly i have forgotten what it was that i needed to rant.

and if it's forgettable, it means it's unimportant.

but most importantly i think i have become some sort of ;enlightening being'.
or at least one quarter way there.
since i rarely show my 100% bitchy side these days.
except the occasional pms-ing moments.
so please do check with the weather station.

*shylaff*

so with all those away.

let's talk about language.
or rather numbers...
something i was pondering about late last night.

*now that is a lie since i slept really early, due to a mad shoot schedule*

in english,
we have,
one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten,
eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.
twenty one.

in français,
you have the,
un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix,
onze, douze, treize, quatorze, quinze, seize, dix-sept, dix-huit, dix-neuf, vingt.
vingt et un.

in malay,
we have,
satu, dua, tiga, empat, lima, enam, tujuh, lapan, sembilan, sepuluh.
sebelas, duabelas, tigabelas, empatbelas, limabelas, enambelas, tujuhbelas, lapanbelas, sembilanbelas, duapuluh.
duapuluh satu.

hope that makes the point...
*doesn't apply in chinese and japanese tho*

basically what i am writing is that,
1 - 10 are the basics.
20 - infinity are just numbers.
but 11 - 19, they are specials.

why?

those numbers, they never repeat.
you don't find them in any other numbers (age sense & pronunciation wise).

you can be 21, 34, 55, 89 (these are fibonacci numbers), and you'll never have that teen again.
(unless you are hundred and thirteen etc...)

that's why it's so special being a teenager.
and dang. i missed being a bloody teenager!

and it goes like... from 0 - 10 years of age, you learn the basics in life.
11 - 19 you discover new things, new elements.
when you get into your twenties, life becomes monotonous.

its sad but rather true. right?
how they numbered the age and life aspect.

tho we make our own path. we make it interesting.
no wonder women never reveal their real age.
that makes one boring. hehe.


amazingly i have no idea what i am writing.
if it makes sense...
and that i have lost the ability to scribble something fascinating.
maybe... it wasn't to begin with.
double dang!
i need witty backs!

and yiks. i remember what i wanted to rant. part of it.
a small part... really.

some blogs out there now are so pathetically BORING!
hence i had the urge to write back. to entertain myself.
viola~

the return of the little prince

i have major issues to rant.
and rant them i will.
but first lets do a test drive on the colour schemes.

test. test. test. test test.
seems good.