i was so happy one second.
the next i just felt so emo.
should i start taking medication to stay HAPPY consistently.
or should i just learn to adapt this life.
gosh. why must it be this way.
i wonder, i wonder and yet i only turn into a wandering lost soul.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
send me a lover
i started another new book.
titled 'Send Me A Lover' by Carol Mason.
and at page 66,
i almost burst crying,i eventually did cry
when Angela's mom, Vivien said
and i quote:
"You will outlive your worst pain. Dogs die of a broken heart. People don't."
dogs die of broken heart?
i remember that day, 4th Sept 1998, sometime in the evening, around 1600 hours, i was standing infront of bukit bintang girls school. at the bus stop infront of starhill, waiting for a bus back home, i was coming back after seeing 'Take 5'.
that day also happened to be cindy hollis's birthday.
i suddenly felt a chill.
and you know that feeling when your ears felt oddly imbalanced.
it started to rain a little if my memory serves me well. just a minor rain.
when i got home, i thought i saw you greeting me.
and i just went into the house without even as simple as acknowledging you.
once i entered, grandma broke the news to me, that you were dead.
i was shocked.
you were my best bestest friend ever. even as close to me as a younger brother.
i am sorry if you died of a broken heart little astro boy.
i didn't know.
you were nicked named mickey when you were a puppy.
because of how your fur shaped your face. like a mickey mouse.
i know i keep telling you that.
till today, every single day i think about you.
i wish everyday you were here with me. playing.
me laughing, you barking.
how you would roll over and expect me to scratch you.
and how you would dig the garden, and when dad screams at you i scream back at him.
how you would be waiting at the gate/door for me.
and i will occasionally come patt you. scare you.
call for you for the fun of it.
sometimes you ignored me. -.- haha.
you were so manja.
and that time when i pulled you away from penny, because she seemed like she was in pain and i didn't know you were... 18SX with her... sorry to kacau your moment... -.- GOMEN!!!
and yet somedays, those days, especially those days, when you needed me, i wasn't there for you. i am so sorry. i should have stayed at home. i should have known you were sick.
would you forgive me?
i miss you so much!!!
after you, i did try to get a new puppy. twice.
once i wanted to look for your son, gizmo, but i had no idea where he was.
i was so angry with cousin for giving him away. when they could have given him back to me.
but the feeling was never the same.
and i stopped. because i know it would be unfair to the puppies.
at times, i thought maybe i could redeem myself with giving the new puppy more attention.
but half thinking it would mean i could and should have given those attention to you instead.
i love you, astro boy.
i'll say a rosary for you tomorrow. ^.^
because deep down inside i know we'll meet again in heaven.
*and no i got his name from a famous disney tv show, not from that stupid satellite company*
... astro are you the jealous type? i think you were a little when i was playing with pocket, gizmo, crystal, cynthia. ^.^
don't sabotage my other relationships k.
well of cuz you became immune to them, and you loved them too, you had to, they were your puppies. haha. :P
titled 'Send Me A Lover' by Carol Mason.
and at page 66,
i almost burst crying,
when Angela's mom, Vivien said
and i quote:
"You will outlive your worst pain. Dogs die of a broken heart. People don't."
dogs die of broken heart?
i remember that day, 4th Sept 1998, sometime in the evening, around 1600 hours, i was standing infront of bukit bintang girls school. at the bus stop infront of starhill, waiting for a bus back home, i was coming back after seeing 'Take 5'.
that day also happened to be cindy hollis's birthday.
i suddenly felt a chill.
and you know that feeling when your ears felt oddly imbalanced.
it started to rain a little if my memory serves me well. just a minor rain.
when i got home, i thought i saw you greeting me.
and i just went into the house without even as simple as acknowledging you.
once i entered, grandma broke the news to me, that you were dead.
i was shocked.
you were my best bestest friend ever. even as close to me as a younger brother.
i am sorry if you died of a broken heart little astro boy.
i didn't know.
you were nicked named mickey when you were a puppy.
because of how your fur shaped your face. like a mickey mouse.
i know i keep telling you that.
till today, every single day i think about you.
i wish everyday you were here with me. playing.
me laughing, you barking.
how you would roll over and expect me to scratch you.
and how you would dig the garden, and when dad screams at you i scream back at him.
how you would be waiting at the gate/door for me.
and i will occasionally come patt you. scare you.
call for you for the fun of it.
sometimes you ignored me. -.- haha.
you were so manja.
and yet somedays, those days, especially those days, when you needed me, i wasn't there for you. i am so sorry. i should have stayed at home. i should have known you were sick.
would you forgive me?
i miss you so much!!!
after you, i did try to get a new puppy. twice.
once i wanted to look for your son, gizmo, but i had no idea where he was.
i was so angry with cousin for giving him away. when they could have given him back to me.
but the feeling was never the same.
and i stopped. because i know it would be unfair to the puppies.
at times, i thought maybe i could redeem myself with giving the new puppy more attention.
but half thinking it would mean i could and should have given those attention to you instead.
i love you, astro boy.
i'll say a rosary for you tomorrow. ^.^
because deep down inside i know we'll meet again in heaven.
*and no i got his name from a famous disney tv show, not from that stupid satellite company*
... astro are you the jealous type? i think you were a little when i was playing with pocket, gizmo, crystal, cynthia. ^.^
don't sabotage my other relationships k.
well of cuz you became immune to them, and you loved them too, you had to, they were your puppies. haha. :P
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
ho dusty ah~
i noticed/realized something.
haha.
there's always dust in my room.
i did a major major major super last minute spring cleaning,
which turn out to last till... now?
*11 circles of laundry so far. 2 big huge garbage bags. and yet i still have so much junk*
anyways, the dust happens at areas where i don't step foot on often.
they turn so thick/bad it can be compiled and turned into a superb felt jacket.
i kid you not. it's that much.
and i kept wondering how am i to get rid of them for good.
which is actually pretty much, IMPOSSIBLE.
since at the areas where i go mess about frequently is more dust-less,
it means i should always move about in the room,
and not just be in one area all the time.
*i tend to stay one cornor only, my comfort zone, eg infront of the computer*
that kept me thinking... all this while,
the dust actually kept my things, those that i abandon, company.
since i refuse to acknowledge them, the dust instead went to them,
and be their companion.
AWWWWWWW~~~
and now i am jealous.
i want back their attention.
:P
DUST GO AWAY!!!!!!
harrrrr-haaarrrrrrrrrrr-cchooooooooooo~~~
haha.
there's always dust in my room.
i did a major major major super last minute spring cleaning,
which turn out to last till... now?
*11 circles of laundry so far. 2 big huge garbage bags. and yet i still have so much junk*
anyways, the dust happens at areas where i don't step foot on often.
they turn so thick/bad it can be compiled and turned into a superb felt jacket.
i kid you not. it's that much.
and i kept wondering how am i to get rid of them for good.
which is actually pretty much, IMPOSSIBLE.
since at the areas where i go mess about frequently is more dust-less,
it means i should always move about in the room,
and not just be in one area all the time.
*i tend to stay one cornor only, my comfort zone, eg infront of the computer*
that kept me thinking... all this while,
the dust actually kept my things, those that i abandon, company.
since i refuse to acknowledge them, the dust instead went to them,
and be their companion.
AWWWWWWW~~~
and now i am jealous.
i want back their attention.
:P
DUST GO AWAY!!!!!!
harrrrr-haaarrrrrrrrrrr-cchooooooooooo~~~
Saturday, January 24, 2009
a child in every adult
HaHa.
was making my sandwich.
and my eldest niece screamed, spiderman!!!
that got my heart jumping.
i wanted to take a leap running upstairs.
then i remembered i am not a kid anymore.
LOLS.
it's great chilling with them this few days.
yet it's freaky to see them grow so much already.
even when we see one another everyday.
and the eldest is already seven,
that makes me feel like an antique.
YIKS!
they seem so, naive, innocent.
i envy that.
*boy oh boy they have no idea,
no idea what they will get themselves into,
once they grow up...*
i miss being a kid.
i know that i am still one big boy.
and i like that. but most days i have to be an adult.
deep in me, and everyone else i believe,
that there still lives a kid in them.
jumping up and down with joy,
whenever something happy happens to them,
in that ever onces in a while moment.
B.L.I.S.S~
happy chinese new year~~~ ;)
was making my sandwich.
and my eldest niece screamed, spiderman!!!
that got my heart jumping.
i wanted to take a leap running upstairs.
then i remembered i am not a kid anymore.
LOLS.
it's great chilling with them this few days.
yet it's freaky to see them grow so much already.
even when we see one another everyday.
and the eldest is already seven,
that makes me feel like an antique.
YIKS!
they seem so, naive, innocent.
i envy that.
*boy oh boy they have no idea,
no idea what they will get themselves into,
once they grow up...*
i miss being a kid.
i know that i am still one big boy.
and i like that. but most days i have to be an adult.
deep in me, and everyone else i believe,
that there still lives a kid in them.
jumping up and down with joy,
whenever something happy happens to them,
in that ever onces in a while moment.
B.L.I.S.S~
happy chinese new year~~~ ;)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
there's only one space, and it's for you.
i miss you,
i miss you so bad it's not even funny anymore.
i tried forgetting every possible thing,
made myself work more,
just to stop thinking about you.
on the first day of shoot,
i wanted to sms you,
but i told myself not to,
then the next minute,
a sms came from you,
asking how was the shoot.
i wanted to cry.
i don't know if i should be happy or sad.
but i didn't know how to anymore.
everyone says it shouldn't be difficult,
when you love someone,
when both party likes one another,
things will fall out fine.
it just feels so right being with you,
but yet,
why does it feel so difficult to be accepted.
am i that ugly?
am i that silly?
i really don't know.
i wished god made things a lot easier for me.
and gave me that accident.
where i will loose all my memories.
and forget everything.
i feel like i am being myself with you,
a better me with you around.
a happier me.
a very very happy me.
i don't want a guy with money.
i don't need a man with status.
millions wouldn't make me happy,
but you do, you bring make my lips pull upwards.
and without you, i feel so lost.
at most days i loose the idea of living.
because i don't know why i am going on this journey for.
everyone needs a purpose, for a journey,
a reason to live life for.
mine so happens to be you.
not because there's no one else,
but because it's you. it's just you.
only, you.
i miss you so bad it's not even funny anymore.
i tried forgetting every possible thing,
made myself work more,
just to stop thinking about you.
on the first day of shoot,
i wanted to sms you,
but i told myself not to,
then the next minute,
a sms came from you,
asking how was the shoot.
i wanted to cry.
i don't know if i should be happy or sad.
but i didn't know how to anymore.
everyone says it shouldn't be difficult,
when you love someone,
when both party likes one another,
things will fall out fine.
it just feels so right being with you,
but yet,
why does it feel so difficult to be accepted.
am i that ugly?
am i that silly?
i really don't know.
i wished god made things a lot easier for me.
and gave me that accident.
where i will loose all my memories.
and forget everything.
i feel like i am being myself with you,
a better me with you around.
a happier me.
a very very happy me.
i don't want a guy with money.
i don't need a man with status.
millions wouldn't make me happy,
but you do, you bring make my lips pull upwards.
and without you, i feel so lost.
at most days i loose the idea of living.
because i don't know why i am going on this journey for.
everyone needs a purpose, for a journey,
a reason to live life for.
mine so happens to be you.
not because there's no one else,
but because it's you. it's just you.
only, you.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Little Prince is a S.L.U.T.
Anch: here are the personalities/talents' pic.
Bitch/Slut: ... -.- so fat, so diva, so dull, so... round...
those were honestly one of my few first thoughts of the selected talents...
i don't lie.
but i like money. so i will just shut up and do it. like seriously.
and wtf... the driver gets RMXk for just... moving the vehicle???
wtf... >.<
so in the end the verdict goes some what like this...
k-chan looked nice and harmless after getting to know her.
so that was OK~ YAY!
*at first i was so stressed k!*
plus she lived near where i did in my kampung.
double YAY!!!
theo was fun to chill with. all he thinks of is ikea. so that's a breeze.
tho it started off from him the big brands had to come in...
like comme des garçons, helmut lang, filippa k, martin margiela.
but in the end was easy. YAY!
then dr S. came along. farnie that Anch felt the same tingle i did.
the gaydar was tingling. LOLS.
i was amazed at her senses. LOLS~
mine started to tingle when i think he winked at me.
i know. i am so perasan most times. so sue me.
he was a chap who didn't look his age at all. so polished, and he lives where my kampung is too.
triple YAY!
HK~ :P
what bliss.
how hilarious.
THEN came SAN...
like OMFG...
his voice, his handshake... i can faint.
literally...
as good as it was a firm handshake... it was hard... hard...
haha.
it was then my super slut mode was on.
all... mmm... super VIP service for him.
dapping his sweat, fanning him chill...
*gosh that sounds like a fanny movement -.-*
everything that didn't require me to do.
AWWW~ slut.
HAHA.
was so ever volunteering my... services.
like... dapping sweat is the make up artist work...
like... fanning talents/actors/personalities is an intern/minion/production assistant's work...
:P
but of cause even before i started slutting...
i already saw his wedding ring...
so that's a big huge major DANG!
none the less... i was still slutting.
and camwhoring.
and he was a chap. who was willing to play along.
he really does look good on camera.
gosh seriously his accent, his gesture, his... everything... droolsssss.
so yeng ah! poise ah, poise!!! HAHA.
woots~
*that moment i know how my future husband should be like... HAHA*
*and candidates from the land of kimchi, chicken rice, and phở now... LOLS*
and sui-san was being all eyes... spying on my every movements.
trying to sabotage my slutiness. biacthe i tell you.
that's how i became a 'Such Low Un-degradable Thing' for the day...
TWO... :P
ok fine... THREE... haha.
i am glad to have known him,
especially when he is a 38 year old guy.
who looks mature but young at heart.
because that makes me feel right at my age.
for now.
i know now that i don't nececessary have to be all matured acting or to even look mature.
i am just a 26 year old who looks like a 21 year old.
not a 40 year old aunty trying to dress like a seventeen teenager.
so that's ALRIGHT to be all CUTE for now.
stop trying to look mature. go with the flow~ WHHEEEEEEEEEE.
now where's my crown!?
... oh you hates. don't jealous k.
*forgotten to credit tim~~~*
i learnt all these nonsense from WILLY!!!
i blame him for everything naughty.
because they were all inspired thru him~~~
:D
hahahahahaha!
Bitch/Slut: ... -.- so fat, so diva, so dull, so... round...
those were honestly one of my few first thoughts of the selected talents...
i don't lie.
but i like money. so i will just shut up and do it. like seriously.
and wtf... the driver gets RMXk for just... moving the vehicle???
wtf... >.<
so in the end the verdict goes some what like this...
k-chan looked nice and harmless after getting to know her.
so that was OK~ YAY!
*at first i was so stressed k!*
plus she lived near where i did in my kampung.
double YAY!!!
theo was fun to chill with. all he thinks of is ikea. so that's a breeze.
tho it started off from him the big brands had to come in...
like comme des garçons, helmut lang, filippa k, martin margiela.
but in the end was easy. YAY!
then dr S. came along. farnie that Anch felt the same tingle i did.
the gaydar was tingling. LOLS.
i was amazed at her senses. LOLS~
mine started to tingle when i think he winked at me.
i know. i am so perasan most times. so sue me.
he was a chap who didn't look his age at all. so polished, and he lives where my kampung is too.
triple YAY!
HK~ :P
what bliss.
how hilarious.
THEN came SAN...
like OMFG...
his voice, his handshake... i can faint.
literally...
as good as it was a firm handshake... it was hard... hard...
haha.
it was then my super slut mode was on.
all... mmm... super VIP service for him.
dapping his sweat, fanning him chill...
*gosh that sounds like a fanny movement -.-*
everything that didn't require me to do.
AWWW~ slut.
HAHA.
was so ever volunteering my... services.
like... dapping sweat is the make up artist work...
like... fanning talents/actors/personalities is an intern/minion/production assistant's work...
:P
but of cause even before i started slutting...
i already saw his wedding ring...
so that's a big huge major DANG!
none the less... i was still slutting.
and camwhoring.
and he was a chap. who was willing to play along.
he really does look good on camera.
gosh seriously his accent, his gesture, his... everything... droolsssss.
so yeng ah! poise ah, poise!!! HAHA.
woots~
*that moment i know how my future husband should be like... HAHA*
*and candidates from the land of kimchi, chicken rice, and phở now... LOLS*
and sui-san was being all eyes... spying on my every movements.
trying to sabotage my slutiness. biacthe i tell you.
that's how i became a 'Such Low Un-degradable Thing' for the day...
TWO... :P
ok fine... THREE... haha.
i am glad to have known him,
especially when he is a 38 year old guy.
who looks mature but young at heart.
because that makes me feel right at my age.
for now.
i know now that i don't nececessary have to be all matured acting or to even look mature.
i am just a 26 year old who looks like a 21 year old.
not a 40 year old aunty trying to dress like a seventeen teenager.
so that's ALRIGHT to be all CUTE for now.
stop trying to look mature. go with the flow~ WHHEEEEEEEEEE.
now where's my crown!?
... oh you hates. don't jealous k.
*forgotten to credit tim~~~*
i learnt all these nonsense from WILLY!!!
i blame him for everything naughty.
because they were all inspired thru him~~~
:D
hahahahahaha!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
dingle-ling-ding-dang-dong
in the past few days,
i've been walking around the malls.
shopping.
mostly for work related stuffs.
occasionally for my own personal interest.
then again even the work related stuffs seems like it's to my personal interest,
since i selected them because i LIKE them.
i know i shouldn't be shopping.
but i can't help it.
bought like a few new jeans, a pointless bowtie.
some tops. some shorts.
some jackets. some ties. *i so do not wear tie*
am thinking of that TAG watch. and a shoe.
bought a new pendant, super cool a crown, a cross and skull together!!!
*this i made my grandmother pay for it LOLS, without her knowing... yet*
mmm hunting down pineapple tart for the little brother,
apparently the lavender bakery in pavilion is superb.
but i have no time to go back there for now. ish~
also need love letters and other nonsense.
it feels like, after so long, i am like happy.
i guess shopping till a certain RMXK does makes you HAPPY.
rather it HAS to make you happy.
know wonder the intern... who is from a super rich family...
can actually spend RM56K in two days... yes... RM56K... -.-
gosh. i learn from my juniors. LOLS.
crazy.
so anyways, since i've been loitering around the mall so often,
i have to say, none of them are making me feel the festival.
CNY or not... it feels, normal.
and i do wonder why. economy that bad?
i honestly doubt it. and here is the question, i know the lehman brothers went bankrupt.
the minute it went bankrupt i heard about it.
i didn't read much about it, because i was on a film set.
but i heard stories from my HK friends.
they are some financial company. so i would assume they deal with money?
trade money etc...
what i do not understand is, HOW DID THEY GO BANKRUPT?
and where did the money all go to?
i mean someone must have made a MAJOR loan...
or a lot of dumb cooperates loaned a lot of money...
or they did really stupid investments?
but surely the money has to go somewhere... they are not trading live stocks here...
it's... money... right? it has to flow somewhere else... right???
did they like spend/invest on some stupid chicken and they died?
... i don't get it... how can trading money make you bankrupt so badly,
that it effects the entire world.
dang i must remember to ask TJ about this... doesn't make sense now.
anyways am working with sawteonghin, director of that famous mountain princess.
*dun dare to put full obvious name here later they goggle and fine ME!* STRESS~~~
haha.
he's OK~ to work with. ain't as scary as i expected.
*fingers cross, hope tomorrow is really OK!!!*
he keeps saying... "YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW???... you know~~~???
:P
i've been walking around the malls.
shopping.
mostly for work related stuffs.
occasionally for my own personal interest.
then again even the work related stuffs seems like it's to my personal interest,
since i selected them because i LIKE them.
i know i shouldn't be shopping.
but i can't help it.
bought like a few new jeans, a pointless bowtie.
some tops. some shorts.
some jackets. some ties. *i so do not wear tie*
am thinking of that TAG watch. and a shoe.
bought a new pendant, super cool a crown, a cross and skull together!!!
*this i made my grandmother pay for it LOLS, without her knowing... yet*
mmm hunting down pineapple tart for the little brother,
apparently the lavender bakery in pavilion is superb.
but i have no time to go back there for now. ish~
also need love letters and other nonsense.
it feels like, after so long, i am like happy.
i guess shopping till a certain RMXK does makes you HAPPY.
rather it HAS to make you happy.
know wonder the intern... who is from a super rich family...
can actually spend RM56K in two days... yes... RM56K... -.-
gosh. i learn from my juniors. LOLS.
crazy.
so anyways, since i've been loitering around the mall so often,
i have to say, none of them are making me feel the festival.
CNY or not... it feels, normal.
and i do wonder why. economy that bad?
i honestly doubt it. and here is the question, i know the lehman brothers went bankrupt.
the minute it went bankrupt i heard about it.
i didn't read much about it, because i was on a film set.
but i heard stories from my HK friends.
they are some financial company. so i would assume they deal with money?
trade money etc...
what i do not understand is, HOW DID THEY GO BANKRUPT?
and where did the money all go to?
i mean someone must have made a MAJOR loan...
or a lot of dumb cooperates loaned a lot of money...
or they did really stupid investments?
but surely the money has to go somewhere... they are not trading live stocks here...
it's... money... right? it has to flow somewhere else... right???
did they like spend/invest on some stupid chicken and they died?
... i don't get it... how can trading money make you bankrupt so badly,
that it effects the entire world.
dang i must remember to ask TJ about this... doesn't make sense now.
anyways am working with sawteonghin, director of that famous mountain princess.
*dun dare to put full obvious name here later they goggle and fine ME!* STRESS~~~
haha.
he's OK~ to work with. ain't as scary as i expected.
*fingers cross, hope tomorrow is really OK!!!*
he keeps saying... "YOU KNOW? YOU KNOW???... you know~~~???
:P
Thursday, January 8, 2009
there's something about... my hair.
there's so much i wanna write.
gosh and the inspiration only happens when i am either driving or in the shower.
by the time i get here. i would have forgotten everything.
so i am doing this randomly today. whatever that sprung out my mind, it shall be written.
oh. never play in the shower and then wash your hair immediately without washing your hands properly k. you will probably end up like Mary in 'There's something about Mary' *full stop*
so tomorrow begins my mad schedule. my hormones will be changing. the female aw aw will probably take over. and i will be PMSing every possible minute.
this schedule will end probably in Nov this year, that means, i am pretty much SAVEd from 2009. and that also means there goes my entire year. i will be on one set to another. well at least i hope the bank account this time around will have some... rise. let's keep the fingers crossed. no more workout at malls!
been totally addicted about Willy, and i totally blame H.A.M.S.A.P. for it. i have been so obsessed that it's freaking me out. been reading it none stop. and can't wait for more. -.- gosh. the last i felt like that about a blog was E, and then long long ago about that singaporean chinese gay boy.
*i even added Willy on facebook and msn*
i knows. i worship him now. ALL HAIL Willy.
*giggles*
life has been going on pretty much the same. i have been lazy.
and god has decided that i have been overly lazy hence i am now... busy.
which i am not complaining about.
i think being busy is better than being free.
at least my mind will stop wandering around.
thinking nonsense.
there's just way way too much/many nonsense i can think/talk/write about.
and it wouldn't stop just here.
i can go on ranting about Farid who has been pissing me off since Pisau Cukur. i do hope he is not involved with the other projects. i will KILL him.
or about that little bird who keeps flying into my world and then disappears for a while,
and just when i thought he's gone, the appeared out of no where. suddenly.
and... went flying off again suddenly.
he left as quickly as he came. do stay longer next time around. i missed you.
or that BOOZO B is still being a BOOZO. seriously someone should just knock his head and tell him to just start looking my way.
i am not expecting a rich husband. and since everyone on this world already knows that i DOINK him, he might as well just give in.
because nobody will dare go near you. and since all your friends knows about me DOINKING you... it's weird when i intend to forget you and SLUT around.
seriously. it's not easy, trying to be a all time famous SAMANTHA and CHARLOTTE at the same TIME! totally draining.
ok it's coming to twelve... it's Willy's birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and i need to sleep. because according to him... we should sleep early so that our complexion is SUPERB! HAHAHA. *faints*
i know. for once, those rare moments, i did a dumb blond post on totally nothing and random.
nights!
gosh and the inspiration only happens when i am either driving or in the shower.
by the time i get here. i would have forgotten everything.
so i am doing this randomly today. whatever that sprung out my mind, it shall be written.
oh. never play in the shower and then wash your hair immediately without washing your hands properly k. you will probably end up like Mary in 'There's something about Mary' *full stop*
so tomorrow begins my mad schedule. my hormones will be changing. the female aw aw will probably take over. and i will be PMSing every possible minute.
this schedule will end probably in Nov this year, that means, i am pretty much SAVEd from 2009. and that also means there goes my entire year. i will be on one set to another. well at least i hope the bank account this time around will have some... rise. let's keep the fingers crossed. no more workout at malls!
been totally addicted about Willy, and i totally blame H.A.M.S.A.P. for it. i have been so obsessed that it's freaking me out. been reading it none stop. and can't wait for more. -.- gosh. the last i felt like that about a blog was E, and then long long ago about that singaporean chinese gay boy.
*i even added Willy on facebook and msn*
i knows. i worship him now. ALL HAIL Willy.
*giggles*
life has been going on pretty much the same. i have been lazy.
and god has decided that i have been overly lazy hence i am now... busy.
which i am not complaining about.
i think being busy is better than being free.
at least my mind will stop wandering around.
thinking nonsense.
there's just way way too much/many nonsense i can think/talk/write about.
and it wouldn't stop just here.
i can go on ranting about Farid who has been pissing me off since Pisau Cukur. i do hope he is not involved with the other projects. i will KILL him.
or about that little bird who keeps flying into my world and then disappears for a while,
and just when i thought he's gone, the appeared out of no where. suddenly.
and... went flying off again suddenly.
he left as quickly as he came. do stay longer next time around. i missed you.
or that BOOZO B is still being a BOOZO. seriously someone should just knock his head and tell him to just start looking my way.
i am not expecting a rich husband. and since everyone on this world already knows that i DOINK him, he might as well just give in.
because nobody will dare go near you. and since all your friends knows about me DOINKING you... it's weird when i intend to forget you and SLUT around.
seriously. it's not easy, trying to be a all time famous SAMANTHA and CHARLOTTE at the same TIME! totally draining.
ok it's coming to twelve... it's Willy's birthday... HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and i need to sleep. because according to him... we should sleep early so that our complexion is SUPERB! HAHAHA. *faints*
i know. for once, those rare moments, i did a dumb blond post on totally nothing and random.
nights!
Monday, January 5, 2009
what a good workout!
it's been so long since i actually went to the 'gym'
it been a good day 'working out' the new/old 'equipments!!!
some were just so cools!!!
but it's just really bad for seeing that i lost so much.
sighs.
probably shouldn't be gym-ing this often.
especially since i am suppose to be gaining.
and gosh the 'weights' were sure tiresome for me today!
even tho they were very 'light'.
what lies. now think algebra!
gym - shops
working out - trying on
gym-ing - shopping
weights - bags
light - little
*it sounds a lot better when i was thinking about it, while i was showering!!!*
i know i should be saving. and i really am!
i have not shop for nonsense for the longest time.
and today i pulled a rebecca bloomwood (shopaholic series)
i just randomly decided to buy sweaters for melbourne.
i know so far away, but with the sales i figured it's a bargain!
at least now i have more luxurious winter clothings.
and a very slim wallet.
even tho i used the magic plastic card. :P
it been a good day 'working out' the new/old 'equipments!!!
some were just so cools!!!
but it's just really bad for seeing that i lost so much.
sighs.
probably shouldn't be gym-ing this often.
especially since i am suppose to be gaining.
and gosh the 'weights' were sure tiresome for me today!
even tho they were very 'light'.
what lies. now think algebra!
gym - shops
working out - trying on
gym-ing - shopping
weights - bags
light - little
*it sounds a lot better when i was thinking about it, while i was showering!!!*
i know i should be saving. and i really am!
i have not shop for nonsense for the longest time.
and today i pulled a rebecca bloomwood (shopaholic series)
i just randomly decided to buy sweaters for melbourne.
i know so far away, but with the sales i figured it's a bargain!
at least now i have more luxurious winter clothings.
and a very slim wallet.
even tho i used the magic plastic card. :P
Saturday, January 3, 2009
tai tai with the mai tais
my mind has been running wild.
here there everywhere.
there are moments i crave to visit japan again,
then the next second hk again, bali even.
mom said we'll go melbourne in aug for two months.
that feels so far away.
don't know if i will survive the ride till then.
i know i should focus back on work.
then maybe i will stop thinking nonsense.
but that's the other shit hole.
i don't know if i enjoy doing this anymore.
i feel so PLASTIC doing it now.
and a little too bitchy towards some people.
i don't like it.
i don't like myself being it.
and i don't know what else i would probably enjoy doing.
can i just be a tai tai who orders mai tais in the day time?
how do you turn a new leaf when there's no wind blowing?
here there everywhere.
there are moments i crave to visit japan again,
then the next second hk again, bali even.
mom said we'll go melbourne in aug for two months.
that feels so far away.
don't know if i will survive the ride till then.
i know i should focus back on work.
then maybe i will stop thinking nonsense.
but that's the other shit hole.
i don't know if i enjoy doing this anymore.
i feel so PLASTIC doing it now.
and a little too bitchy towards some people.
i don't like it.
i don't like myself being it.
and i don't know what else i would probably enjoy doing.
can i just be a tai tai who orders mai tais in the day time?
how do you turn a new leaf when there's no wind blowing?
Friday, January 2, 2009
second day of the year, but it seems so dark and empty.
i woke up at 5.
wanting to cry.
i heard from somewhere (men's health) it's healthy to actually cry.
but i forgotten how this works.
i don't have tears to drop.
i don't know why.
even at my aunt's wake i couldn't shred a single tear.
all i felt was sadness.
memories of my grandma and the shop lot in malacca,
was all i could think of.
i don't know what i am to do.
i don't want this path anymore.
god oh lord please send someone to guide me.
let him shine some light to walk me out this dark cave.
it feels so cold.
i feel so heartless.
like an empty shell
just waiting for days to pass me by.
wanting to cry.
i heard from somewhere (men's health) it's healthy to actually cry.
but i forgotten how this works.
i don't have tears to drop.
i don't know why.
even at my aunt's wake i couldn't shred a single tear.
all i felt was sadness.
memories of my grandma and the shop lot in malacca,
was all i could think of.
i don't know what i am to do.
i don't want this path anymore.
god oh lord please send someone to guide me.
let him shine some light to walk me out this dark cave.
it feels so cold.
i feel so heartless.
like an empty shell
just waiting for days to pass me by.
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