HAPPY NEW YEAR!

it's coming to the end of 2009.
and it's been a wild fun crazy happening ride.

regardless of what it might have been,
i guess i am happy i survived this journey.

hopefully 2010 will be way more fun, less stress.
less work... but more money. hahaha.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

KL e kaerimasu!!!

finally i am back and done with ipoh!
YAYS!
two more days and i am done with the shoot!
double YAYS!!!

i almost forgotten what home sweet home meant...
how comfortable being in my own room is like...
regardless the mess.
my own privacy. yes to random masturbation!

finally my own... BED!!!

it's good to be home!
;)

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!



p/s THANKS ben ben. i really really love the pressie. and bleks i couldn't wait to open it ma~~~ heh. HUGS!

TIC Style Awards

so this is totally unexpected.
was wondering why CRIS congrats me for the other day on facebook,
right after i posted, is feeling like a local in ipoh...
there i figured he was being funny with me after i wished me happy old age...
snigger~
lolz

then when JUSTIN sent an email out telling friends about his nomination... best fashion designer of the year...
i clicked... and saw my name there too... WOOTS.
now this is hilarious... how can i be better than CRIS?

none the less... sometimes it's not about talent itself right???
LOLZ~~~

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME~~~ CLICK AND VOTE BIACTHES!!!

Tongue In Chic's 2009 Style Awards
BEST STYLIST OF THE YEAR~~~
TO VOTE CLICK HERE!!!

... don't ask me what we get for winning... i didn't even know i was nominated... hahahahaha!
p/s feel free to vote hourly k... you can recast your votes every hour...
if i win... i buy you ice cream. heh.

time flies

it's been a crazy month.
with so much to do. so little time.

there's basically no internet in the place i am living at in ipoh.
but yes, i do have my blackberry. ^.^
just been too lazy to update anything much.

got back 2 nights ago for an emergency shoot here in kl.
basically leaving again for ipoh in the next few hours. hatez.

and i basically... wanna write out, that...
my heart sank, when i saw my grandmother, using a tongkat.
looking so weak...

i am worried. i am scared.
even tho i keep telling myself, it's only natural.
that people will go. they will leave, eventually.
and that i should be ever so grateful that, she is illness free.

but yet, i fear one day she will leave.
sighs.

i just hope not any time soon.

the day i became a road bully victim

to prevent 101 people asking me what happened,
i decided to just pen it down here.
no i did not get into an accident.
this barbaric malay male was just plain violent and brutal.
a serious anger management candidate.

we were on our way to the location at kampung baru for a shoot. i was tailing the prop van, fabian's car was behind, followed by peng. before we could turn into the 2 way road which had cars parked on the left and right, there was a red proton (don't remember what model but the plate was WMU 2364) which, apparently, according to Lynn (who drove the prop van) was unsure of which direction he was keen in heading, since no signal etc was shown (it was possible that he wanted to park the car).

so the van proceeded to move a bit, and a little more. then the red car decided to go forward as well. we were again in a standstill. we all waited patiently behind the van. however after several minutes, i was puzzled why is it so difficult for him to compromise. since there are more vehicles behind the van, and it's way easier for him to make way for us.

even a passerby was directing him to make way after a while. yet he did nothing (Lynn said at this point he was fuming mad). figuring that perhaps he could not see that there are other cars behind him, i decided to come out of the car to show like... HELLO there are vehicles behind?

very reluctantly he moved one side. and got down immediately to yell at Lynn's van. ignoring him, she drove past. but NATURALLY i will frown and make noise in my car... LOGICALLY those voice would only be heard, if you were in my car, windows weren't down. hence he SHOULD not have any idea what i am "mouthing" about. for all i could say i was singing a ROCK SONG. ^.^
(i didn't say bad stuffs la, just OMG WHY CAN'T YOU JUST MOVED JUST NOW!?)

anyhow after we go to the location, and more a less settled down. i decided to go back to the car to change into long pants, didn't want to donate blood at the location. that's when i spotted the red car, with his wife and kid in the car. and the driver was pissed mad, but he drove past. only to horror he then made a u-turn. came back. came down. confronted me. WHY I SHOUTED AT HIM EARLIER???

i asked what did i do? (bunifa hanifa sharifah latifah jackson style, ok not that diva la, if i did that, memang patut bashed. LOLZ). he said something along the line, that it's his territory, he has every right to move first. i was like HUH? then bashed me. on my face. -.-



in that split second i was tempted, where he was standing, near the drain which i had the chance to push him down. even for his size, i was capable of doing so. but i didn't. knowing it would have caused more drama.

his wife shouted 'dah la tu bang' and i decided to walk to set yelling for PENG~ (for jinxing me, that he WILL come back to bash me), no responds since i was parked kinda far away. he rushed to his car, wanting to speed off, i quickly took a glance at his car plate.

went back set, got Karen to drive me to the nearest police station to lodge a report.

my thoughts were, if he is a lelaki melayu terakhir then why would he run off so fast. i figured that he possibly didn't even know his fist would punch me. hence i decided, he needs anger management. seeing that he doesn't even know how to control his own... stupidity.

see doink now i have the upper hand, you hit me first. ^.^
will be seeing Insp. Chien soon to properly file the report. Hatez.

sorry for all the trouble. and drama. some might say it's stupid to fight with this uncivilized person. i just don't think it's right for people to think that they own the road. notorious malaysian ought to be thought a lesson. so i will make sure he gets his punishment! and my revenge. hehehehehehehe.

mmm if i weren't back at my car, i think my car would have gotten some damages instead. and that would make me VERY PUZZLED... so i guess in some ways thank god i was back there... -.-

what if

lets just say,

you have a condition with your head.
mmm, there's a growth in the brain.
perhaps a tumor.

and it's deadly, but removable,
via surgery.

but by going thru this surgery,
because the tumor has widely spread,
there's a 85% of you loosing your memories...

would you, go thru this operation?

just so you could live longer,
but without your memories...
would being alive even mean anything then?
or perhaps, it's just better to start a new life,
and pretend everything that has happened,
to be meaningless...

so i survived the first phrase

i almost died at ipoh.

don't get me wrong. i love that place...
so... calm. and peaceful.

their weekdays traffic is kl's weekend traffic...
>.<

seriously when we arrived kl last night,
and the driver saw the jam...
i literally said WELCOME BACK TO KL! -.-

loads of yummie food, but i don't get to taste them... yet.
been soooooo busy moving around towns.
shoot. shoot shoot... no time to even eat...
food on set sucks!

the shoot has been relatively... stressful.

art department = SUCKS big time.

basically each departments has their flaws.
but art department... -.- my GAWD! i wanna kick his ass!

and i did!!!
haha.

that lame ass RAHIM gave one million flaunts about what he can do.
but delivered crappy stuffs that my nephew could do better.
on top of that BURST the budget sky high.
our executive producer must be volcano red...
i know i WAS!

everyday we are made to wait for their lame ass department... beh tahan!

one of my biggest achievement was... to get the police range rover on set. ^.^
in less than 7 hours. *minus my sleeping hours* with no formal paper works.
all i did was gave all the officers my CUTENESS smile.
it's so lethal, aunties in the market would literally melt.
at 12 noon 26.10, a blue police range rover came to my set! haha.

seriously all it took was determination!
while all the other departments said it's not possible...
i was just so skeptical about it.
so this proves, nothing is impossible! heh.

WOOTS. i feel so proud.

that aside, i have been feeling sooooooo gloomy about this shoot.
it is a good script, (actually it's NOT!)
... ok... it's a good story plot...
but i don't really like the script. i find it... lame.

i guess that's why the director is taking time to make/shoot it perfect.
cause sometimes it's his direction that makes it more interesting.

there were just sooooo many times i wanted to leave set.
come home to KL and just... shake leg.
then to know that, there is a slight possibility to impress the director...
so hopefully... perhaps... -.- i would be offered a new movie job...
under... a fantastic actress/executive producer michelle yeoh...
i am trying/coping/struggling... to survive on this set... -.-

*WHAT MY NEAREST TO HOLLYWOOD LAND K!*

... then... sighs. the moment i arrived the office,
my other producers said... OMG LITTLE PRINCE... u lost weight...
-.- i turned EMO the entire night...

in one week plus... i lost weight... sighs...
am i that stressed up on set???
is it... actually even worth it???
do i really still want all these???
... i really don't know. =.=#

PISAU CUKUR finally PREMIERs~

heh.
extremely excited.
one year ago, we wrap our production for this project.

after months of editing.
CGI works, colour grading, transferring, music, etc...

now finally,
it's coming to the cinemas near you~ ^.^
5th NOV 2009.

but i am going for the premiere later today. heh. WOOTS.
best part, you are coming.

official sound track


oh. before you get to scroll to the trailer.
a random quick shout out to all the brands that helped supported sponsored us during the entire shoot.

to:

louis vuitton for flying in the bags from hong kong.
jimmy choo for the shoes and bags!
hermes for the beautiful scarves and bag.
radley & la sportsac for the funtastic bags.
alldressedup for the fabulous dresses.
reliance optical for the spectacular shades and glasses!!!
shinju pearls for the unique semi precious stones accessories.
axxezz for the huge sun hats.
mooks & rip curl for the superb clothes.
addias for the golf attires.
qvinn for saving my ass~ haha. ^.^
crocs, chris & delph for the perfect shoes.

aigner, coach, prada, M boutique, for your support for the billboard and publicity photos~ ^.^

nurita harith (pink dress), keera & kate (customized shoes) for helping me big time for the music video!
and homme salon for the hair~ ^.^

to richard tsen and eleanor ng, the local designers who helped me make the costumes!
and my wonderful seamstress team for enduring those torturous moments dealing with me. haha.
and my assistants on set... for baring with me barking endless orders Pitt & Hana, THANK YOU.

and Li Wei!!! for coming to help me out one day while i had to run off to shoot with MTV.
*in the end that shoot tak jadi keluars... hatez*

many many many THANK YOUS. none of this is possible without the many many many help and effort and support you guys gave me! HUGZ. many more fun Malaysian local films to be made in future.
*champagne glass toss, clank clank*

sorry if i missed anyone out... you know i hearts you~ HUGZ.
*i am OLD ok... am entitled to forget a few names here and there... SORRY loh*

Movie Trailer


billboard along federal highway


during metro's publicity photo shoot


SUPPORT k... and feel free to bitch.
but i might bitch back. haha.
WHHEEEEEZ~~~

i have been having this headache for the longest time and it feels as if it's growing from one spot, to different places. i am wondering if, it could be some sort of tumor, and if it is, honestly, i will be so happy.i pray and hope that it's fatal.

dis-

:(

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

;(

will cannot shall have

will not think about him.
will not think about him.
will not think about him.
will not think about him.

cannot think nonsense.
cannot think nonsense.
cannot think nonsense.
cannot think nonsense.

shall not miss him.
shall not miss him.
shall not miss him.
shall not miss him.

have to be strong.
have to be strong.
have to be strong.
have to be strong.

aimless

have i,
all this while been in denial?

have i ever... manage to go thru that stage?
or have i always been in denial?

will i...
should i just...

perhaps after this, long hectic schedule,
i should take a long break away and just hide.

Hi, My name is...

HI My name is Daniel,

And I am a youtuberholic...
>.<

... yes. i am in one of the anonymous group now.
sadly. i have fallen in the bandwagon of youtuberholics.
(i made up that word so don't bother finding it... LOLZ)

i just can't help it!!!
i keep clicking from ONE link to another...
and next thing i know i have been sitting here on a rest day,
for more then 2 hours... some times worst.
seriously if i am not working perhaps 1 day... -.-

T.T i hate/love/hate/love/hate youtube!











and those... were just SOME of the many millions tubes i have been clicking... >.<

tikiville

lets meet up later at tikiville~



yay~ i am heading down to ipoh at 5.30am laters for a day trip.
heh. can't wait to see where the hell i am going to sleep...
for the next few months... -.- zzz.

insync

ahhh~
i think i really am a looney.

seriously. one second HAPPY. one second MOODY.
like a mental bipolar case patient. zzz.
i might be in sync with my mood.
but... i am certainly insane.

work seems to go smooth sailing. for now.
fingers crossed for monday and tuesday.
hope it really flows well.

and i so want that role in that tv series. bleks. haha.
... thick skin i might be now. but i want it!

and every thing else seems to be the same.
stagnant. should i poke him? mmmm... zzz.
maybe, i should just be that slut and sleep around.
close one eye. close the emotion part of me.
put it to a deep sleep and never to snooze it.

well today, i choose to be HAPPY.
and nothing can/should change it.

... the past few days i went shopping crazy. -.-
... and mmm his cute toiletry bag is sold out. damn it!
... i want that bag now... urghs.

staying... trying to stay focus.

am i coping?

:(

i really don't know.

one moment i feel so at peace.
like i can.

next moment i feel so down.
so unease.

one moment, i feel like telling someone something.
then some friends says it's best that i don't.

and then i think i should.
... only then i think maybe, i shouldn't.
and just keep it to myself.

dear god. whatever it is that you have set for me in this life.
just guide me to it then. whatever it may be. i will smile about it.
please help keep me focus.

miscommunication

isn't life just so funny.
so ironic.

that, everything seems to have a trend.
even a topic. a blogpost.
somehow that tends to lead to a similarity.

was about to write about miscommunications.
and evann wrote something similar to it. only, he managed to save it. while i...

i probably never had that friendship to begin with.
let alone that relationship that i once craved for.
it's now probably 2 months since i last spoke to him.

last i saw him was when alex, jason, leo, daniel and i,
we dine at my elephant.
i hope he didn't see me.
i hope when jason yelled for my name, inside the restaurant,
he didn't notice it.
i hope, he didn't recognized my friends.

i didn't plan for our friendship to go like this,
especially one that i treasure so much.
but sometimes a miscommunication unresolved,
just leads it to this path.

i was always open. ready to speak it all out.
he was never, to me at least.
just reserved. fearing that i might have other thoughts.

but how could i not?
when, i know nothing else, but can only guess.
and now all it feels is, i was nothing,
merely another online persona.
not even worth, the friendship.

i used to ask,
was it something i said?
was it something i did, that made you mad?
for now, i am just too tired to understand.
to figure out people's mind.
too tired to get them to open up.
sometimes it's not worth the hassle.
the mind game.
it's just tedious.
even fruitless sometimes.

Like a Song by Lenka




i have been feeling of late, very very uninspired.
to the verge of nothingness.

nightmare

last night, after so long, i had a nightmare.
one that was so real.

i thought it was, real.
almost... maybe it was?

was trying to escape,
was running away,
but sadly somehow i was captured.
i was forced and drugged,
hence weak, lying down on the operating table.

there was this psycho pushing me to rooms,
i was sedated pretty heavy, i felt damn dizzy.
damn damn dizzy.
and since i thought i was sedated,
i figured that's why i don't feel the pain.
just feel the fear.

each rooms has a super looney,
who would want to operate me,
either amputate me,
drugged me more or something odd.

and one point i knew i was in a dream.
i mean come on... to be pushed from rooms to rooms,
from one looney to another, just so they can torture me...
WHERE THE FUCK IS THIS PLACE!?
so not real loh... but i couldn't wake up.
oddly.
and there was this super super super scary creature, a male.
yelling at me.
he was not scary, but the super looney chasing after me was...
maybe he was waiting for scary creature to push me to his place,
cannot remember...
but he the words he yelled was scary...
DO YOU WANT A LIPO!?

WHAT!? ME??? LIPOSUCTION!? -.-#
NO WAY LOH!!!

I had to wake up.
I want to wake up.
But I can't.
I REALLY TRIED.

i kept telling myself it's a damn dream.
and i have to wake up.
this is too real for my liking.
that scary creature was YELLING.
think you can wake up!? HELL NO~~~!!!

his face was so close, with so much blood.
GROSS!!!
that's when i prayed. and amazingly. i woke up.
THANK GOD!

i think this is probably the result of eating too much KFC.
had like the whole variety bucket to myself last night.
YUMS. hopefully i was just KFC OD.
not some looney demons after my fats.
heh.

perfection

play, listen, understand the joy at the end.



nothing is perfect.
and life is never, perfect.
but that's what makes it, perfect.

2 days in Paris

until we forget each other completely,
almost.
always the same for me,
break up, break down, drink up, fool around.
meet one guy then another,
fuck around to forget the one and only.
then after a few months of total emptiness,
start again to look for true love, desperately,
look everywhere and after two years of loneliness,
meet a new love and swear it's the one,
until that one is gone as well...

zzzz so drunk... tipsy~

i am so tipsy...
so... drunk...
that i need to type all these crapz...

i am so confused. i don't really know what to do.

i was out with proffan, adrien, ivan and victor.

victor was pissed with ivan's friends...
we... he... needed to dance.
so we went to maizen... maison?
well and got 2 bloody vodkas...
and i got freaking drunk out of it...
OH MAN!!! i puked!!! on the way back from the club to sri hartmas!
so not posh!
and i even went to sharaton hotel to do some shitz.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!!! so damn drunk!!!!
hatez!

every other emotions... well... we shall save it for the pandora box.
HUGZ! :)

edited: it was actually ivan who was pissed with victor's friend. and omg there was more dramas... only remembered them after i woke up... zzz... like mr red tshirt got super insulted. kakakaka. and he yelled back to the guys... lolz. well i don't remember what he said in total but something along the lines you think i wanna sleep with you~ haha.

reminder

i have to keep reminding myself lately,
since i tend to forget so quickly...
that i am not a good person.

not exactly evil or mean.
but definitely not up for a sainthood kid.
with that, baring in mind...
i should not fall for someone so pure.
because i am not worthy.

i now might be a lot more tame.
but i still have evil thoughts running in my head.
mental visuals about people getting killed.
i might not say it. i might not do it.
but it's all running in my head.

ok... so i am pure evil.
... so before i ruin...
or do anything silly...
^.^ i better just stop thinking happy.
you deserve so much better.

smile smile smile smile smile...
and be just happy with myself. ^.^

just for laughs

i have nothing better to say.
so i better not say anything.

my memory is being very selective lately.
somethings, i just can't remember very well...
others... i remember clearly. -.- HATEZ.

i guess i should just laugh more.
thank god for this silly prank,
it made me laugh out loud so... LOUD!!!

:(=

:(=

go figure...

head north

i am... so confused.
so lost...
i don't... know what i am suppose to be feeling right now.

hatez.
why can't emotions be easy?

'if you are lost, just head north. follow the north star. it will guide you home.'

dumb music effect

i really really hate those stupid musics,

with dumbass ambulance,
or police car effect sirens.

it's damn annoying.
it's damn... confusing!

you might think that there's an ambulance, police car behind.
or some sort of emergency... -.-

and honestly... does it even help the song better with those siren effect!?

NO IT DOESN'T!!!
hatez.

falling...

sighs. i know i said that, i don't wanna ever believe in love... again.
but i might be falling for someone now... -.-#
that shouldn't sound like a bad thing... only it is...
because... it's going to be the same old thing, one way street...
i don't think i will ever let you know... ^.^
it's going to be... my little secret.
ok... so fine it's not really a secret... but i just wouldn't say it...




I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better

I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
Fallin’ for you

As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me

I’m trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I'm fallin’ for you

Oh I just can’t take it
My heart is racing
The emotions keep spilling out

I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
and now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you

I can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you

Can’t stop thinking about it
I want you all around me
And now I just can’t hide it
I think I’m fallin’ for you

I’m fallin’ for you

Oohh
Oh no no
Oh no no no
Oh I’m fallin’ for ya

like a virgin

just got back from a long exhausting day.
had a quick catch up with the little brother.
went for a PT movie screening, with his friend.

was nothing fabulous. a light comedy.
like a virgin, a korean movie,
about a boy who is very much a girl,
a little girl trapped in a boy's body.

seeing it's PT and the movie was about transexuals,
they had 4 guest there.
to talk about their hardship in life, and transexual confusion etc.
how public perceptions was like towards them etc.
was really really interesting, since i don't know that many of them.
only 1 or 2... and it would be rude and awkward to questions them...

they talked about every possible scenarios etc,
and they talked about boys being in denial with themselves.

made me wonder if i ever wanted to be a girl... am i in denial?
and then i looked at my penis and decided, I LOVE MY DICK! ^.^

let the stress begin!!!

the super long tiring months have officially started.
well fine, they sorta started few weeks back...

but now the race has officially started.
it's going to be mentally tiring till the year end.
hope i can somehow cope with it... -.-#

money... i love money!!! i want money!!!
that's the only inspiration i should need.
nothing else.

had a really fun trip down to malacca yesterday.
to pick up the little godbrother. so kiuts. ^.^
seeing him is worth the long boring drive.
a real good de-stress trip.

haihz... the thought of working later is depressing.
hahaha. why can't money just come to me, freely.
i dun wanna work or hunt for you la... ^.^

let the stress begin! bring it on B!TCHES~

eleven years

it's been eleven years since i last held you.

it feels as if yesterday,
i was next to you...
your smelly smell...

i remember clearly that day you ran out of the house...
and i was chasing you like mad...
naturally i was annoyed...
the more i called the more you ran.
-.-
then you saw a cat, and started chasing it...
and we ended up sitting next to one another...
because you got so caught up barking at it...

and we looked at one another...
LOLS.
and you was about to leap away from me...
when i caught you. hehe.

i seriously miss you Astro boy...
so sorry i was never a good master.
i should have known you weren't well...

even tho it was only 5 years that we had together...
i will remember you forever.
those moments we spent.
the holes you dug at the garden.
the bones you chewed.
... i promise to jot them down.
those fabulous silly memories we had...

I AM TERRIBLY SORRY THAT I DIDN'T HAVE A PROPER GRAVE FOR YOU. SO I COULD VISIT... DADDY DIDN'T ALLOW IT... I HATE HIM TILL TODAY FOR DUMPING YOU IN A DUSBIN IN DJ... I AM... REALLY SORRY BABY BOY. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. AND HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY IN HEAVEN. I REALLY DO HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN... AND WE CAN PLAY FETCH... AND I CAN TICKLE YOUR STOMACH... AND HUG YOU TIGHTLY... I NEVER WANT TO LET YOU GO. I MISS YOU BABY BOY.

i just, only wish...

i wish you were here now,
so i can tell you how my day was.

that i am not sure,
if i am now, happy or sad,
and hope you could hear me,
and at least try to cheer me up.

i wish you were here,
sitting next to me,
by my side,
and tell me it will all be alright.

that i am strong, and will put up an amazing fight,
as this life has ups and downs,
going thru them makes me a better me.

i wish you are sitting here now,
holding me tight,
reminding me to breath in out right,
that tomorrow will be another day,
and it will end right, all bright.

if that does not happen,
and when, if it rains,
you will be there,
shading me, with an umbrella,
and guide me back to our roof,
where lays our roots.

i wish you were hugging me now,
and whispering me those right words,
that no matter what or how,
if i failed,
at least i have tried my best,
and with that, you are proud.

i really wish you were hugging me tighter now.
telling me, that you care,
and only wish to see me happy,
that nothing else would matter.

i just, only wished... that you even exist.

rain drops keep falling on my head

woke up at 4am.
couldn't sleep.
was thinking way too much.

i feel that a big storm of bad waves is going to hit my life.
lots of stress...

and woots it's raining now at 7am.
... it's almost tempting to just lie down and rest.
could i finally rest in peace...?

those drizzling sound. those rain drops...
they sound so tranquilizing. calm.
oh how so damn tempting.

the smooth cool chilling breeze...

it actually does feels silly to sleep again.
if you fall deep into your dream land,
you couldn't feel, see or hear any of this, natural orchestra.
this, life performance of nature in the morning.

nope, nothing like the real thing.
however amazing this fake rain may sound. ^.^

sky so bright sky so might sky so high

i wish i could just say that i am leaving.
i wish that i could some how, extract certain memories away.

some days, some nights, like today tonight...
the world seems and feels so bright...
and so large at scale.
buildings seems just, so... enormous.
that life seems so fragile... that you just,
somehow, cannot control it...

looking up the sky,
the clouds, they seem so calm.
and the moon... it's just so bright.
serene.

i wish i could just remember those moments,
when i was just at peace,
at bliss.
where everything seems so calm and easy.

everyone in this life has/have their own issues.
problems where it's mostly emotional based.
how they would want to solve it,
to move on,
to just... forgive and forget,
but is usually easier said than done...

till today, enough tho... i want too...
i can just never forget...

i tried to cry.
i really really did.
but tears just refuse to flow down...

i don't know how...
or even if i could just do this anymore...
all i know for now, i am grateful that i will be away...
from KL soon...
i do hope that these few months will make me... calmer.

the innocent cow's head

malaysian... well to be exact... some malays... are very free...
so free they have nothing better to do...
but to pijak pijak on a poor cow's head.
because they have to fast...
(not just food ya~ but also sex etc...)
hence they have some extra energy to put into some... lame use.

*... mmm i wonder if youtube will be asked to remove this video ma?*


mmm why got a banner TAKE BEEEER!!!
are they implying...
they rather have 7-11 selling beers...
than to have a temple built near them???

they need suntory ba???
*i will SOOOOO SUPPORT!!! step on that cow more!!!*

well they do have a point, why build a temple in a 90% muslim residency.
and mmm they did suggest another place for them to build it...
so it's not like they said NO NO NO to the temple~~~
*just... some where else... and give us BEEEER!!! SUNTORY!!!*

BUT THE QUESTION HERE IS... WHY DID THEY HAVE TO INSULT THE OTHER RELIGION? DID THEY HAVE TO PARADE WITH A COW'S HEAD? AND THEN STEP ON IT??? LIKE THEY SAID, IT'S THAT DOINK'S FAULT... SO WHY NOT STEP ON HIS FACE OR SOMETHING??? gosh...
*if this were chinese, or indians hor... coughs coughs... all masuk lokap d... for some... un-peaceful demonstration*

tsk tsk tsk... so silly.

syabas jer la yer...
tindakan dan perkara yang telah ditunjukkan...
semata-matanya, satu teladan untuk masyarakat sedunia...
bahawa bertape undurnya pemikiran anda. ^.^
BODOH SEKALI.

i bet they were enjoying the cow's body for dinner just now... with suntory...
and they... SNIFF SNIFF didn't ajak me!!!
HATEZ!!!
i wanna march at their house later to scream!!! -.-#
coughs... so much for 1Malaysia... PFFFFTT
WHERE's MY BEER!!!

little mischief

was on the way out for a meeting.

joachim came running out to say bye bye.

went to the car.

joshua came out to say bye bye.
and ran in immediately.

i yelled out his name...
seconds later he yelled out... YA~~~
and he appears at the gate...

i said back to him: BE A GOOD BOY ah!!!
he smiles and gives a super cheeky look...
CANNOT BE NAUGHTY AH...?

... that was never an option.
don't misbehave. ^.^

somehow it makes you wonder, where they learn all this tricks.
being so cheeky and witty.
not that i have ever shown them bad examples... yet.
does the tv have that much mischief elements?

... speak of the devil... he's crying downstairs now. -.-

chant it remember it

must focus.
must remember.
must chant.
must OBEY.

there are no males worth loving.
none of them are good and deserving.
most of them are bastards.
majority of them are shallow.

only a few are worthy,
only a few are worthy being cared for,
but only as friends.
nothing else. nothing more.

none of them deserve my attention.
none of them are worth the pain.

i can so live without him.
i do not need him.
i am an independent kid!!!
^.^

i cannot and will not and never NEVER ever fall again.
the heart cannot afford to get hurt, again.
... there's no heart to begin with.
so there is no way to love again.

hospital bills are expensive,
better to spend them on shopping.
FOCUS!!!
a birkin bag is probably more worth it.

should only be in a relationship with me, myself and i.
oh darling~ can we please go shopping!
we need some pampering moments!!! ^.^

bulan yang rajin

here's a thought.
while some people are whining or rather warning...
it's the hard working month for the cops...
to ask for bribes etc... on the road...

there's two things to ponder...
firstly if we didn't go against the law...
they cannot stop us kan?
so... we are at fault to begin with... kan???

... that kopi duit is gosh better than the hassle of going to the balai...
or even the post office to settle the payment... HASSLE~

... PLUS... mmm... isn't it good that they are only hardworking one month in twelve months!?
imagine how, SAFE the road would be. ^.^

square one

urghs.
i don't know if i have enough strength to go thru this phrase.
but i have to.

sighs.
i took up probably a little too many shoots till early next year.
hoping that i wouldn't have a single spare moment to think about nonsense.
gosh. oh dear lord god, i do hope this works.

... just that i have been so used to ranting about work to you too.
damnit. and now mmm... whom do i bitch and gossip about with...
feels like the plan just brought me back to square one...
only now i have more things to think about.

nothing more but an online friend

i'm kinda badly effect...
with this emotional thingy.
and i don't exactly know how to block it out.

so write i should.
to at least rant it all out.

it's now close to a month since we last spoke.
in many ways it seems like, i am the one who wants this relationship.
this friendship, this brotherhood more.

seeing that it doesn't really matter to you if i called etc or not.
well i am not your boi, hyung.
even tho i said that let's just be friends or like brothers.

tho, i really don't know what's going on in that head of yours.
when you say you keep things to yourself,
that's how you are like, being selfish.
... that's not exactly true.
and i know it for a fact.
that you do talk about your problems to others.

you probably just don't trust me,
or feel uncomfortable about sharing those issues with me.
and i do get it. i know what it's like, to have someone,
that you could trust and console all your issues and problems with...
to me, it's you, the one, of the few people i would and could tell things to...

it just hurts that you would say that it's how you are like,
being selfish... when in actual possibilities, you are just not comfortable...

perhaps it's yet another menial thing that i am getting so worked up about.
but if all these while, it's just me sharing my problems with you,
me unloading all my dramas to you, when you don't feel comfortable sharing yours with me.
then i feel like i am a burden to your life.

that i need you more than you need me in your life.
which is, true.
the only reason why you have been so patient so far,
was probably only because i told you i would rather die than to loose you.
and you know what i mean.

it's just not fair to either of us.
since all i want is for you to be happy.
and if you are happier without me in your life.
then it's probably best that if we don't communicate so much anymore.

i don't hate you. i could never bring myself to hate someone i love so much.
and yes i don't think i could live a day without thinking about you...
but i will try.

i saw you last night, at my elephant, and you were looking good in your new hair cut.
i didn't want to be seen by you.
i do hope you didn't see me.
naturally you wouldn't have.
it's not the first time us being in the same room, yet i am invisible.

i will try to smile. and be happy.
just remember, i am here always if you need anything.
perhaps i am just another online friend, but i care a lot about you.

silly little moments with joshua

one of my youngest nephew just cracked me up.
he is not well, has a flu. not H1N1 thank god.
so his nose was running, and i got him a tissue.
i didn't bother doing it for him, expected him to blow himself.

... but with one blow he wanted to throw the tissue...
actually more like passing it back to me, to throw.
i was just... annoyed. like... hello i ain't your maid kid.
lols.

so i told him off, that he is wasting tissue.
that he should at least blow a few more times...
but AWWWW...
to his defences, he is only 4, and he did it with the sweetest voice,
that he has yet to go school to learn manners and etc etc etc...
AWWWWWW~~~ so kiuts.

half the time i think he is a real good actor,
he is simply the smarty when it comes to, MANJA with people...
but in actual fact we adults sometimes forget it's our duty to show them the world.
and not expect the world to show them what is it like out there...

hurts like a heart attack.

..................................... it still hurts so badly inside.
:(


i wish i could cry. but i forgotten how it was like to have tears.
it's a lot easier acting it out then doing it for real... :(

somedays i wished i never knew.
somedays i wished i never came back.
somedays, i wished i never replied your email.
so i wouldn't have known you. and wouldn't have fallen.
3 years... yet... i wonder............... will i be able to forget you.

and then, yet i never regretted knowing you.
knowing what it was loving you.

it's now just the question of, moving on... urghs. hatez!

"After awhile you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to understand that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head held high and your eyes wide open.
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
You learn to build your roads
On today because tomorrow's ground
Is too uncertain for plans, and futures have
A way of falling down in mid flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine
Burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
Your own soul, instead of waiting
For someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn... and you learn
With every goodbye you learn."

~ Veronica A. Shoffstall

heavy in thoughts

ouch. too much thoughts. panting. prancing. droopy. sleepy.
but heavy in thoughts.
too much in deed.
noise.
there's too much.
as tho some sort of voices.

silent. silences. but they are still there.
thoughts.
they are every where.
going thru, every single little details.

buzz. as tho, white noises in the mind.
sleepy head. heavy eye lids.
but yet. eyes are wide open.

easy the mind. breathe.
easy to say, but what exactly am i doing.
typing. with my eyes closed. trying.

life is about making mistakes.

oh i do want to stop thinking for a while.
stop stop stop.
but i can't seem to stop.
it just keeps going.
from one thought to another,
totally being all random... ... ... ... ... ........
oh please just stop. it's tormenting my beauty rejuvenation.

how random.

... thoughts are making my stomach hungry.
hatez.
... hates.

breath. breathe. i crave for that dreamland.
in that land where i am safe. and sound all alone.
with the sea sand sun and breeze.
where i can breath.

feel freely.
with noises of the nature.
just me and nature.
and organized tunes from nature.
playing around. flowing.
silences, there are none.
thoughts, there are plenty.
it seems to be aplenty at this wee hour.
tsk tsk tsk.

mind. it cannot be silent.
if it did, i were probably dead.
oh body feels weak. tired. exhausted. mind...
over flowing with nonsense. -.-

oh do let it rest then. so i can stop scribbling on cyber space.

presenting E.R.T.

yay. just another 2 more months plus and i will finally get to see the movie we did last year.

anyhow we recently did the music video for the theme song E.R.T, sang by Farah Asyikin.
don't ask me why E.R.T. k. lols.
but it basically stands for ekonomi rumah tangga. heh.


let's play spot little prince k. lols.
after showing this clip to Alex he said i was inside... and OMFG... i didn't even realized. lols. so yea, spot little prince. :P



Pisau Cukur here literally means Gold Digger la. ^.^

and more publicity pictures with the girls for a local gossmag. :P

Accident(s)

late last month i had an accident,
one that was pretty bad.
so bad that i know it's going to be so fun dealing with.

i have probably the most accidents in my family,
i remember the first thing i knocked after i got my L,
was a tree. yes, as simple as me reversing and BANG.
my dad laughed when he heard about it... >.<
my friend who saw the whole thing was just, puzzled.
i was just... speechless. HAHAHA.

then it was with a bus, a volvo. a van,
yes. nothing small. just BIG items.

so with all those incidents,
you can call me the expert.

i know when it's my fault and when i am INNOCENT.

thank god this few years,
i have been INNOCENT. ^.^

so this was what sorta happened...



as long as you are on the main road, in a T-junction, any other vehicles coming out from the side roads are suppose to wait, be patient, look right then left once the main road is clear, only then they are safe to move. else, they are at fault.

the pesalah however argued that he was half way out and i should stop instead.
but i however was, "LIKE I CARE YOU ARE OUT OR EVEN SIGNALING... IT'S MY ROAD AH!"
^.^
well i tried to stop la, but the real road started with a curve then an immediate T-junction,
so with my velocity it wasn't exactly possible to just STOP even if i break hard... DUHZ.

it was a tideous moment after that,
no point arguing.
we decided to just do a report and see who is at fault.

everything was actually fast.
although i wanted to kill Hafiz, the traffic officer.
damn slow. damn... annoying.
i wrote everything down on the report but he kept asking me those same questions...
like... HELLO READ LA!!!
at one point my face turned PISSY,
but urghs, so annoying have to look cute,
so i wouldn't be given a GUILTY judgement... =.=#

*sergeant laila, after investigating the incident, proven him guilty! YAYS!*

this was actually my first time doing a police report for accidents.
all the other "incidents" was settled there and then.
because i know i was at fault or the other person knew it was his/hers,
and would rather just pay it off there and then.

so i learnt a lot.
^.^

now if you had an accident and you plan to do a police report.
and your car is badly damaged, but still possible to drive/move,
while you are slightly shaken by the incident,
call a tow car. especially when you know you are INNOCENT.
because you can claim all those expenses from the pesalah!!!

the reason is if you drove, and you *touch wood*
happen to meet with another accident, the first accident's claim is void.
>.< how horror. like who is going to pay for all those damage now!!!
tsk tsk tsk. so it's your rights to get a tow car. and enjoy the ride.

when the accident happened,
OMG the pesalah came out yelling...
i was calm. ^.^
so used to it already ma. lols.
since he was erm... an indian bigger.
i am not being a racist here, just had bad bad BAD experience with indian drivers!!!
i had to yell back la. i didn't wanna get bullied. lols.
but he managed to calm down after that.
because i saw a rosary in his car, so i told him, if he gotten violent, he will see god very soon

*the by standers were like... aiyoh ah boy you shouldn't yell at him!!! later he whack you ah!!!*

there's a reason why it's called an accident,
because nobody wanted it to happen,
else it would have been called intentioned,
so please, when it happens, don't shout,
it doesn't help. and always kill people with politeness and kindness instead.
erm just don't be silly and get bullied instead la. lols.

*freaky thing is, both of us are born on 11.03, and the accident happened at 11.03am!!!*
*i learnt that proffan and ivan also had an accident past few days ago... >.< omg horror!*
*on my way back just now from bowling, my car skidded like mad on the highway... HORROR!!! thank god i am safe!*

go figure the title...

i find it, hard to blog again. almost. really.
especially. since. i. said. i. erm. i. would. stop.
after. little. dove. stopped.

but most of it, because i need my outlet to rant.
since i have been overly updating my facebook status, it's pathetic.
hahahaha.

so yes i need an outlet.
besides, it's my dairy.
in most ways.
and i missed posting up YOUTUBE videos here...
gosh i heart youtube so much.
i miss sharing.
^.^

furthermore i just don't like the idea of putting my pictures on facebook and the copyright ends up belonging to them...
that sucks.
and partly i fear blogspot would just... mmm... wipe/erase my entire blogspot like what happened to adrienz. horror.

so i am back... to... write. but rant mostly. erm or post pictures... and videos... and musics... WOOTS.
*claps*

lots have happened in the recent months,
naturally.
anyhow, all i want to do for this post is,
quick post of all the singapore cheap thrill pictures,
and to post this sad passing of a very dashing young lad...
very mysterious tragic death. sighs. he was so young... and hot.
his death, just doesn't make sense.
and why so little news coverage about it...
just because he's not famous?
just because the organizers want minimal negative publicity about it???
go marathon... and you end up dead... >.<
Facebook Page
India News
Malay News
yes, i might not know him personally...
but JUSTICE to his death please!!!

peace, out.
little prince

*they are all moving pictures, so it takes a while to upload*

when all meets end

since, you decided to stop blogging.
it's high time i stopped too.
you were the main reason why i still wrote.
and kept it public.

now it's time to just stop.
remember now, don't be a stranger.
i want to be there for you too, Little Dove.

dear little bird...

the past few days,
i saw you online.

i wanted to say hi.
badly.

because i miss talking with you.
but somehow, that's not my place anymore to cheer you up.

i knew that you were sad.
and sick.
but yet...

well all i want to say is,
you know where to find me.
and that i am always there...

don't be a stranger.

take care and get well soon.

big hugs...

winks winks, WINKS!!!

ok. at first, i don't want to share.
but. i keep thinking of him.
gosh.
his wink.
i can melt.
then pikky has to spoil it all.
it's not a wink it's a blink...
-.-
nevertheless he's droolicious.

so it all started from this clip.
this amazing young lad.



but before that lad,
it was from this bunch of crazy girls.


*i kept singing this song on set till everyone went nuts*
*someone wanted to pay RM100 to shut my mouth HAHAHAHA*

so anyways i then clicked this... it was like AWWWW...



and it went even wild with OOOOOOOOH WOW~~~~
hots hots
NICHKHUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



and well once i click i can't stop right...
so i found this... LOLS!!!



... youtube is evil. i can spend my entire day watching clips...
-.-

xoq ɐɹopuɐd

˙˙˙ʎɐp ǝuıɟ ǝuo ɹǝɥʇouɐ ploʇ ǝq oʇ ʎɹoʇs ɐ
˙˙˙ʇı puıɥǝq ʎɹoʇs ɐ s,ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ
˙ʇı pǝʎoɾuǝ ɟlɐɥ ı
˙ʇı ʇnoqɐ pɐq ɟlɐɥ lǝǝɟ ı
˙ʎɐpoʇ uıɐƃɐ pǝʞoɯs ı

¡ǝɯ ƃuıllıʞ s,ʇı
˙ƃɯo
˙ǝƃɹn ʇɐɥʇ ʇnq ˙ǝpısuı sı ʇɐɥʍ ǝuıƃɐɯı ˙˙˙ʇsɐǝl ʇɐ plnoɔ ı os ˙pǝddɐɹʍ ˙sı ʇı sɐ ʇı ƃuıʌɐǝl ʇsnɾ ɯɐ ı ʍou os ˙˙˙ɯɯɯ
¡lnɟƃuıuɐǝɯ 'ɹǝɥʇɐɹ ʇnq ǝʌısuǝdxǝ ǝq oʇ sɐɥ ʇı uɐǝɯ ʇ,uop ı llǝʍ
˙snolnqɐɟ ƃuıɥʇǝɯos ƃuıʇɔǝdxǝ sı ǝɯ ɟo ʇɹɐd ǝsoddns ı 'ʇnq
¡ʍou ʇuǝsǝɹd ʎɯ uǝdo oʇ pǝʇdɯǝʇ os ɯɐ ı

nothing, but a... dream.

if, say, you spend your entire life, thriving. slaving. just so you could have a fabulous life. one that lives the super high end luxury life. with hermes as your welcome door matt, but you trade away your youth. your faith. your time. your soul. your everything. but basically in return you get everything you every craved for. dreamt about. but what you lost most perhaps was time. to spend it. to really indulge it. to savour it. none the less you own it. a luxurious fabulous life.

then, here you have the option of sleeping most of your life away. but you can control your dreams. to be what you want. who you want to spend your life with, especially since perhaps he/she might not want you in real life. but you get the power to control it. since after all it's your dream. you perhaps lead a very basic normal life. maybe even a janitor. but you spend less hour, in this shit hole reality. that hurts. that haunts. that does everything wrong. while you have a cardboard as a home, but inside you can create a world of dreams where it will be all fabulous and harmless to yourself. especially since, no matter what, no matter when, there will be a day when that time comes, and you will be a lone again. to deal with life, alone.

so there isn't much differences if you have a million dollars in your bank, and a million fake friends, a handful of precious friends, because in the end you have to endure this loneliness, alone.

which one would you rather be???

you can have everything, you can buy anything, but time. you cannot have it. you will never own it. and it's clicking away. you can decide to sleep your fabulous life away. or dream of a fabulous life.

because if life was nothing but a dream. then i don't want to stop but dreaming all my life. one that is fabulous where it's really about ME. and me alone. and i wouldn't crave for reality, because it's not real or that it would last anyways. since when you die, you can't bring them to the afterlife. so does it really make a differences? to work all that hard for the same thing in the end...

i am going to bed. to sleep my life away. dreaming that fabulous life that i will probably never have in reality. but i own it in my dream. and at least then, i am at least... HAPPIER.
... i need some major sleeping pills. one where i will wake up when reality matches my happy dream moments. ^.^

kick ass

woahs. been a long exhausting week.
and somehow i never knew i had such energy in me.
it's been a while since i acted.
i don't consider the horrible experience in "impian" as acting.
more like being a puppet that got screwed up.
so goodbye boys, goal & gincu, pisau cukur was it... lols.

anyways, decided to take on a role for 8tv's new series.
already left in-charged of the styling.
then i was also offered the Production Designer's role.
WOOTS.

and i sure kick someone's ass flat with my work. HAHA.
even if i used ikea furniture. i kick her ass flat.
KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA!!!
why because the previous Art Director wannabe has no colour sense.
^.^

from turning a run down apartment.
with a superb tight budget.
so tight my shopping last week was ultra super SPLURGE.
that's how shitty the budget is.
but yet i kicked ass!

from an messy-empty run down flat,



it was digusting!
and to learn that a girl is still living there then.
she doesn't clean it at all!!!
so before we started, we hired cleaners.
no way am i cleaning any toilet bowls. ^.^
or even mop the floor.



of cuz i wasn't doing all the paint work alone,
the in-house crew help painting the main colours.
and the interns help me paint the details.
many thanks to abang jamal, james, omar, liyana, dian.

i just love the wall effect i thought of. GENIUS!
*coughs and i stole coughs coughs but improvised Jen's artwork for the mural*



now a mmm... a pretty chill out crib.
i guess for a six day job, we transformed this place really superb already~la.



me a 26 year old playing a 16 year old student... -.-#



somedays, it's tiring.
exhausting. and perhaps endless criticizing.
but in the end, you are smitten,
when you know that,
you have at least entertained a handful of people.
^.^

and then i am so proud of myself.
because at least then,
i feel like i did something really good.
and i have something to leave behind after i "kaput".
LOLS.

and then i feel like i need a self reward and i will go out shop like a mad little kid who has been chained to a evil evil room for the longest time, hence when i see a shop with super nice things, i feel like a boy who sees a hot super sexy chick. i have that urge to BUY everything and splurge like a mad mad mad dog.

so... catch blogger boy this coming end may on 8tv. ^.^

six packs

mmm.
is it worth it?
going thru all those torture in the gym.
just to get a six pack.
and then you have to maintain it.
just so you look good...
>.<

and the moment you stop working out.
for lets say a week... then it turns to be two weeks.
next you know it, a month...
and PROOFFFFS... your six pack is GONE!!!

and you have to start ALL over again.
eat eat eat eat eat.
gym gym gym gym eat.
JUST SO YOU LOOK GOOD!
to impress, to seduce a potential husband... -.-
gosh. shallow. GEEEZ!

to the potential husband.
you don't have to flaunt me your abs.
your hot triceps.
or big biceps.
just show me the MONEY. ^.^
LOLS~~~

i will send you to some instant six pack comestic surgery.
way way way way faster.
and it last. long time~

missing something... something like... you.

geeez
*meet my new tag line*
GEEEZ!!!

kakakaka.
even tho this entry will/might sound a little emo.
i really am OK.

been feeling a lot better.
with the ups and downs.
i went shopping.

mmm... just this 4 days... RM6k...
i bought so much crap i can open a shop already.
my room... already packed to the ceiling...
... well lets just say i need another room.
for my clothes.

... and YET i have nothing to wear when i go out.
can you BELIEVE that???
*like Jen said, there's always a LIE in BELIEVE*

so how can i still be an emo wreck...
because i miss him.
-.-
like tak habis habis about him.
it sucks big time. but hey... i am dealing with it.
slowly.
tho every time i try.
... -.- i don't even want to think about it.
... ok fine i am worried sick that you are in BKK!!!
i know it's not my place. but i just am.

it sucks. sucks so much that, i will never be able,
... to fall in love again like this.
seeing you makes me smile.
i am content with that. just being close to you.
shrugs. i have never felt like this about a person...
in my entire life before meeting you.
and i know, that i will never be able to again.
and even tho i almost could, and that i did...
loving a bird that flies in and out of your life...
... what could you make out of that...

i want a new phone *blackberry or iphone... or both*
i want a new camera *leica or ricoh or canon or sony*
i want a new ipod
i want...
i want...
i want a live in chef to cook for me whenever i am hungry.
i NEED a super rich young cute gorgeous boyfriend! ^.^
... who loves me a lot more than i do. i am so honest.

geeez, i know the beginning and the ending doesn't make sense.
haha. my mind. my head has been a little coo coo ca choo

you are such a selfish prick!

sighs.

one minute i am chirpy.
next second... the world is like my worst enemy.

should have been a fun day.
but it turns out to be a mmm... mood less one.
things on set didn't really went as planned.
the scenes i memorized for was last minute cancelled.
and other scenes were slotted in instead,
which were long and being a dory fish i couldn't memorize them.

i think the director was moody. -.-
i turned moody... and felt stressed!
even when my new camera was delivered on set,
i wasn't even really smiling... or happy.
gggggrrrrrrrrrrr... and i was so looking forward to playing with it.
now it's just sitting at the pile of clothes.

then my sister is being all evil at home... -.-
urgggh i hate them all!!!
they are idiots to begin with,
but that doesn't mean i have to be like them.

i hate her. i wish she died. i seriously do.
my dear sister, that day will come,
when you will truly see.
and hopefully understand.
if only you see your reflection in the mirror now.
how ugly you have become...

... i never wanted this life. i really never did.
... i don't know why...
... i don't understand why...

to be all honest, when the pain happened on the chest,
i was/am/still half hoping for something tragic.
cancer... fine.
leukemia... FINE.
the pain? i know i can bare with it.
it still hurts but i am all numb to it already.
YAYs! bring it on!!!

... i know i am mumbling. i am being emo after all.
SIGHS!

face off metaphor

this is one of my many overdue post.

our face is like a car.
regardless of what it is,
most things in life,
you will need to maintain it.

you have to send it for servicing regularly,
not just to maintain but also to preserve the condition.
and as i said the face is like a car.

some people will think that going thru botox is ridiculous,
just because you have to do it every few months once.
well the car goes thru the same ordeal.
you have to service it at lease every three months,
even if you don't use it.
so why shouldn't the face?

i used to dread the idea of plastic surgery, botox etc.
but now, they are my NEW toy.
not that i would go thru a knife or botox
to make myself more... presentable.
especially since there are many other options.
such as CO2 laser, chemical peel, etc.

those are mainly procedures to service/maintain/preserve the face.
making it more youthful, radiant, smooth.
and seriously it's better then facial!!!
most of these treatments you can do as much as you want.
and they don't have side effects. (like CO2!!!)
AMAZINGLY right!?
ok... some do... but low la.

plastic surgery however is like car modification.
and like car modification, it could be addictive.
once you are done with the nose job you want a boob job etc.
so you need a lot of money. i mean a lot of money.

as one of my friend's hair stylist once said,
you cannot afford not to not afford it.
you see at a stage you will tend to do some modification.
regardless how perfect it may seem to be.

and quoting my own words,
our face is like the car,
we need to service it.
maintain it. PRESERVE it.
the only differences.
if the car kantoi, you can still buy a new one,
the face kantoi... means KANTOI!!!

but as long as you know how to control yourself,
plastic surgery or chemical treatment or laser,
as long as it works, JUST GET IT THEN!!!
just don't over do it... HAHA.

this is not much of a promotional post but rather an awareness post.
^.^ cheers to the modern vain world of spending and luxury of beauty.

well yes, only the rich can afford this lifestyle...
and the term aging gracefully... i guess it no longer exist. -.-
oh well so if you can't beat them join them!!!
just hopefully i will never resort to botox.
but well never say NEVER~

this all started with my keloid treatment... and now i swear by CO2.
HAHAHAHAHA! -.-
actually for details... MSG ME! LOLS!!! :P
but... erm it's so not cheap loh.

urghs.

i hate myself.
i really really do.

so then, let it be. and it shall be.

geeeze...
i really really really don't know,
if that decision i made weeks ago was the right one.

sighs. LE SIGHS.

but i guess it's for the best.

tho every time i see or be near... gosh.
it just sucks.
but it's for the best.

i'll just have to make do with this arrangement.
and be really content and HAPPY with it.

let it be written as it is said.
let it be done, as it is written.

MFEO no

... i swear watching shows like little nyonya is really bad for my health!
it's so depressing that i can literally DIE... -.-
NEVER again... i hope... will i ever wanna watch sad soapy series!!!

why can't they all just be like will & grace all laughssssss and that's it???

two prefect couples... so lovely... so perfect... but yet... they are not together!!!
yet they both love one another so much... SIAL SIAL SIAL SIAL!!!
haihz...

i don't dare to wish, yet alone dream of it. all i can is, imagine a life i will never have.
... sighs... i am too good at corny lines now... anyone care to quote me? ^.^

hopefully it will happen with a smile.

i considered for not writing for awhile.

but then, who knows what will happen today or tomorrow.
so i decided to pen them down now,
just incase i forget.
especially since i forget so much easily now.

so i better just type them.
as i think.
of what i can remember about.

but i think too fast.
way too fast for my hands to type it out.
so there might be mistakes.
so bared with this hand racing mind typing post.

i often time think a lot before i sleep.
one of which is will i wake up tomorrow morning.
and if i didn't would i be happy and content.
would i come back and haunt or be able to move on.
which one of the many reasons,
led me into celebrating my birthday at the shelter home.

i didn't do enough good deeds.
and if i died in my sleep.
i would be thrown to hell.
without even able to fence for myself.

but saying i didn't have enough time,
would be lame.

we all have more then enough time.
i feel like i have too much time some days.
26 years on earth.
i wonder how many more i have.

but somehow people know when they are about to go.
i often have that feeling.
especially since now the heart is constantly at pain.
and the dry cough has not stopped.
i wonder will i cough out blood?

harvey bernard milk said he wouldn't live more then 50 years.
he died at 49.

when i was little i remember crying.
my sister asked me why.
i just watched a series about this lady,
who had her fortune read.
her life line was short, she is going to die young.
i saw mine, and it was short as well.
i will die young.
i cried. fearing i will die young.

now. i don't really mind that much.
this is not suppose to be a sappy post.
and it's not a sappy post.
when i decided to write again,
i promised not to write depressing stuffs.

to live, you must accept death.
... i didn't accept life... so can i embrace death...

mmm... ok it's getting late. my mind isn't working any longer.
had too much of 'little nyonya' on youtube.
from episode 8 i watched to episode 22...

to all the dear people in the world.
(who knows me...)
if you see me, perhaps fainted, ill, in some accident,
some ill-fated condition etc. etc. etc. don't save me, PLEASE.
if you did, i promise you, i SWEAR i will kill you.
don't save me. i am not worth it.
let me go.
i don't want to suffer. i fear that agonizing pain.
don't save me especially if i will come back silly.
... if this happens i WILL sue you big time. SUE you BIG time!!!
just let me go, because it's probably my time.
so let me slip to a world i probably would find bliss.

and i don't want any wake. funeral.
people don't make much time to see me/you when i am/you are alive.
so why bother coming when i am are dead.
i want them deprived/spared of seeing me STIFF.
i want them to remember the laughing me.

i do wonder, will i smile when i am dead.
gosh.
i wonder, if i will wake up in the morning.
and be able to write more another day.

i still have aplenty to say.
to rant to talk to brag about.
perhaps another day.
some other time.
but we will see for now.
will i slip away. hopefully with a smile.

but oddly i am rather excited about it.
such mix emotions.
must be the sleepy talk.
good night world.

REALLY DOWN

am feeling really down. really down.
i should be happy.
and damn proud.

but some how i am feeling extremely down.
so down.
just down.
and it's all around.

i need to run away.
far away.
hide away.

i am just so unhappy.
so moody.
seems so gloomy.

there are just days,
like this.
but they end, pretty quick.

and you see the sky
so high so bright.
so blue and all might.

but that day just isn't today.
not tomorrow.
nor the day after tomorrow.

those happy days.
seems like, so far away.

and you wouldn't know when why how,
to make them come back again.

so i guess for now,
all i can,
all i could,
is just to breath.
i need to breath.
i need... a temporary break, from all this.

copyrights: silly little prince.

where is that knight of mine...

i wonder when will i be rescued.
if that day would even come,
and when it does,
will i manage to have time left to savour it.

i wonder. i really do wonder.

and i wonder do i even want it.
do i actually need it any more.

WOW

has been two crazy event filled days.

friday started with a absolute vodka party at lodge hotel.
we got cranky when the prizes was FINISHED in like 15 minutes.
=.=
haha none-the-less it was cool.







continued with cris yong's high heels sisters party at club six nine,
after sending the little brother for his date. :P
all the fashion sisters had to have our heels on.

guess which one is mine. lols~~~


then the crazy big day came.
i was nervous and excited.
didn't know what to expect.

it rained when the party was about to start.
i panic. i was cursing like mad k.
HEY, i ain't being cheap here!
why RAIN!? i wanna do a fashion show game k!!!
my LONG RUNWAY... ruined!!!

the kids looked at me like a weirdo invading their home.
since i was alone, they accompanied me...
one asked why i was so grouchy? lols.
poor lads, they must be like... omg... sicko in the house.

BUT thank god it turned out to be a kick ass party.
a big THANK YOU to Kit (Laundry Apah), Laundry Amah's hubby. LOLS.
he came saving the day by being the game master.

thank god my guests were superb!!!
thank god the kids were FABULOUS!!!
THANK GOD IT TURNED OUT GREAT!!!

Kit, getting everyone together for the games.




after a short ice break, and Kit's amazing ability with kids, LOLS.
my fashion show was a possible game!!!
YAYS!
i wanted to see how creative people can be with recyclable items.
and omg...
amazing!!!!!!!!!
and because i was getting broke, newspaper... almost free... gosh genius!



even the fashion designer lost to the architect. LOLS.




ADIDAS and CROCS were being so supportive, they donated some clothes and shoes for the kids. ^.^


SO CUTES




so in the end we selected 8 winners,
out of so many other amazing creations.
*honestly they all should WIN!*
i was just so shocked,
with everyone's creativity!!! ^.^
*prize money was donated by my dear friend, Li Wei*

from a room filled with serious looking adults, in a matter of time,
it just transformed into a wild wild recycling fashion room. HAHA.


with Joyce and Laundry Amah.


basically the whole idea was,
all my guests had to buy a present for the kids,
my birthday party but the kids present. ^.^
in a way, it's not only my birthday, but it's the kids birthday!!!

i wasn't taking pictures so a lot of other pictures are just in my head.
for now at least... ^.^
*i know there's a lot of pictures here already...*

it was getting harder to leave. they were being all so entertaining, chit chatting all the way~ singing, bashing one another with news paper... -.- lols.
some were so greedy... they just wanted me to stay for some more pressies -.-


after that long short exhausting day, i needed a drink, badly.
we went over to jaya one for a BIG drink. literally.







i was HAPPY to see a big glass to camwhore with,
by the end, i was SICK of it.


conclusion, it was money well spend.
lets say 4 Paul Smith shirts,
or a bag from Dior or Gucci or Prada,
hell might even be a Louis Vuitton.

but if i spend that on a silly bag,
it probably makes me happy.

or if i threw a party at a club,
we would all get serious drunk...
which always happens anyway.

dinner at a fancy restaurant... anytime la.
why wait for birthdays as an excuse... lols.

so spending it with 50 over friends,
and 57 super CUTE charming kids,
with an amazing memory,
i think know, that's just PRICELESS!

picture credits: Alex THANKS~ :P
*oh erm if there's any pic of yourself... and u erm don't want it up... tell me... i MIGHT remove it. haha*